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Welcome to the first Melting Pot Special! (Chronologically, this story takes place between Episodes 1 and 2 of Season 2) Warning! This story contains more profanity than most other Melting Pot stories! Be sure to read Melting Pot, Season One, Episode 12 - 'Hair Trauma' before reading this Special Copyright 2006. "Garden of Love" by Paul Cloutier The sun and the rain fell from up above And landed on the earth below In my garden of love Now there’s a rose for the way my spirits rose when we first met A forget-me-not to remind me to remember not to forget A pine tree for the way I pined over you And an ash for the day I ashed you to be true The sun and the rain fell from up above And landed on the earth below In my garden of love Now there’s a palm tree that we planted when we had our first date A turnip for the way you always used to turnip late Your mother and your cousin, Chris, they often used to come So, in their honour, I have raised a nice Chris-an’-the-mum The sun and the rain fell from up above And landed on the earth below In my garden of love Now there’s a beetroot for the day you said that you’d beetroot to me A sweet pea for the sweet way that you always used to smile at me But you had friends who needed you, there was Ferdy, there was Liza So, just for them, I put down a load of ferdy-liza The sun and the rain fell from up above And landed on the earth below In my garden of love But Gus the gardener’s left now and you went with him, too The fungus there reminds me of the fun Gus is having with you Now the rockery’s a mockery, with weeds it’s overgrown The fuchsia’s gone, I couldn’t face the fuchsia all alone And my tears fell like raindrops from the sky above And poisoned all the flowers in my garden of love 'Garden of Love' Music and Lyrics by Benny Hill Acting First Officer's Log; Stardate 57917.3 - With Captain Seetamyn and Commander Thog in Sickbay while they recover from the wounds that they suffered at the hands, well, tail, actually, of the Black Queen, I have been placed in charge of the Menagerie. We are on our way back to the Omega Configuration, obstensibly to rescue the ships that we had left stranded there while we used the Foreenan Transport Portal to get to Earth in time to defeat the Black Queen and Admiral Windgarde. The Black Queen is dead and Admiral Windgarde's whereabouts are currently unknown. The USS Aikido and the USS Wing Chun are nearly at Trill and are tasked with confining any remaining Black Queens that might be there. "This picnic was a great idea!" Doctor Pish Jantoo exclaimed as she, Banjo, Dil Mantron, Linnea and Ustrano stretched out on the lawn of the Menagerie's Arboretum. Between the fivesome was spread out a red-and-white checked blanket with various foodstuffs arranged on it - hotdogs, potato chips, pickles, potato salad, cucumbers, tomatoes, relish, mustard, ketchup and onions for the humanoids and peel-and-eat shrimp, tuna salad, crab legs and anchovies for Ustrano. M'Dral had been invited, but she had had to turn down the invitation as she was busy taunting Admiral Windgarde. The 'officially listed as missing' Admiral was actually safely ensconced in the Menagerie's Brig, on his way to an appointment with Linnea's father, the Orion Crime Boss Lusiphen. Many of the ship's officers and enlisted personnel had made stops by the Brig to listen to the ranting and raving of the insane Admiral, but M'Dral had raised stringing him along to an art form. In fact, the security tapes from the Brig showing her interviews with Windgarde had, lately, become the hottest entertainment items aboard the ship. Each night clips from various other interviews that had taken place during the day were shown, leading up to the grande finale - M'Dral's complete dashing of Windgarde's hopes! The crew considered these shows to be 'Must See TV!' Banjo had found a quiet spot in the Arboretum, near a small, babbling brook that cut across one of the back corners of the area. A lush lawn composed of clover and Roman Chamomile sent scents of apple drifting across the small clearing. The group had finished eating and were lying back on the fragrant lawn, simply relaxing for the first time in several weeks. "I think Thog could get some benefit from convalescing in an environment like this," Jantoo suddenly announced. "I'll see what I can do about mounting a biobed to an anti-grav platform so that she can join us, next time," Ustrano promised. "We should have Aceed come, too," Dil thought out loud. "And even Hirthnole." "Hirthnole won't come," Banjo predicted. "He can't ride a unicycle on the soft surface of the Arboretum." "You're probably right," Dil laughed. Linnea suddenly had an idea. Pulling off her boots, she made her way over to the little brook and jumped in. The water barely came up to her knees, as she bent over to splash the water out at her friends. They quickly removed their boots and rolled up their pants (except for Ustrano, who wore neither), and jumped in with her. Soon, a splash war had broken out with the four humanoids moistening each other unmercifully. Then Ustrano plunged into the water. Using multiple tentacles, the Velvattian rained, well, rain, down on the others. Soon it was giant-slug-like Engineers against everyone else. Of course, the giant-slug-like Engineer, won. The soaked combatants made their way back to the clearing and stretched out on the lawn. Linnea, with a mischievious smirk, pulled her minidress over her head and lay back, naked, in the artificial sunlight to dry off. With just a moment's hesitation, Jantoo followed the Orion's lead and soon she, too lay naked, basking in the ultraviolet radiation. With shrugs, Banjo and Dil followed suit and soon everyone was as clothing-free as Ustrano normally was. It seemed, somehow, very peaceful and perfectly natural to lie there in the glow of the Arboretum's grow lights and the quintet soon drifted off to sleep. Only to be awoken about an hour later as the Arboretum's sprinklers turned on, drenching everyone once again. Fortunately there were no other personnel in the corridor as the five nude crewmembers ran out of the Arboretum, dripping wet. Of course, seeing Ustrano nude would have been no big deal, as the Velvattian, as has been mentioned, was always in that state. The other four would have raised eyebrows (at least) especially the two lovely ladies. Banjo simply melted his more, obviously masculine attributes back into his body and made his way to the nearest replicator alcove where he quickly created some clothing which he brought back to the others, who had merely hidden behind Ustrano, in case anyone had come by. Dressing quickly, the Menagerie's newest group of streakers giggled their way back to their quarters to fully dry off and to get re-dressed in more appropriate clothing. What had possessed Banjo to replicate four full sets of British Palace Guard's uniforms was anyone's guess. Ustrano simply slithered its way back to Main Engineering. Had there been anyone in the Arboretum at this time, a terrible tragedy might have been averted. But, with the sprinklers on, the Arboretunm was as deserted as the Lounge on Karaoke night after one of Ensign Hirthnole's performances. Thus it was that disaster struck and wasn't discovered until the next morning. "Sir, sensors indicate that ship's oxygen levels are down 14%!" B1 & B2 reported from the Science Console. "How is that possible?" Banjo asked, rising from the Captain's seat. "We're checking that now," the pair assured the Changeling. They busied themselves with various data retrieval searches and instrument readings and finally replied, "Sir, it appears as though oxygen output from the Arboretum is nonexistent!" "You two have the Bridge. I'm locking the Arboretum doors. Get Commander Ustrano and Doctor Pish to meet us at there. Dil - you're with me!" and the two friends hopped into the turbolift for their trip up to Deck 1 - the Arboretum level. Many starships, including the Menagerie had both a Hydroponics Lab and an Arboretum. On most ships, these were on the same Deck, to allow the ship's ventilation system to efficiently transfer the oxygen produced by these sections to the rest of the ship. Additionally, this allowed those same ventilation systems a single point of contact at which to block off the carbon dioxide produced by the plants during ship's night. Of course, the Hydroponics Lab never switched off its lights, but it had been found that day/night cycles of lighting were beneficial to the plants in the Arboretum, so such measures had to be taken. The Menagerie was somewhat different than most other ships in that it had the Arboretum at the top of the ship, on Deck 1, and the Hydroponics Lab at the very bottom of the ship on Deck 16. The reason for this was simple - this configuration allowed twice as many 'safe zones' for the crew in case of shipwide power failure. Battery back-up for the lights in both areas would allow the 400 or so personnel on board to at least be able to breathe in the event of a catastrophic disaster. While it was true that having the 'safe zones' on the outer Decks made for an increased likelihood of their being damaged in a battle, the odds were actually only a few percentage points higher for those Decks than the more centrally located Decks. Apparently most enemies shot at the center of their opponents and not at the edges - go figure. The pair arrived at the doors of the Arboretum to find Ustrano already waiting there for them. Jantoo popped out of a turbolift down the corridor and hurried over. Banjo punched in his access code and the doors obediently slid apart, revealing a nightmare inside! The green, lively interior of the Arboretum had been replaced with a grey, desolate landscape. The groundcovers, shrubs, flowers and trees were all dead, overcome by some weird fungal growth. Jantoo quickly took some samples and the four stepped back out into the corridor. Ustrano typed in the Arboretum's emergency sterilization code, wiping out every living thing in the Arboretum. Everyone then hurried down to Sickbay where they each went through a similar treatment that removed every trace of any contagions that they might have on them from their brief time in the infected area. "How long until we can replant?" Dil asked. "Until I can find out what caused this, we don't dare replant," Jantoo answered as she put the samples that she had retreived into a analyzer. "In the meantime, get the logs for everyone who has been in the Arboretum in the past week and have them come down to Sickbay for a surface sterilization treatment." "Will do," Banjo assured the tiny Bajoran. "Let us know as soon as you find anything out." Ustrano stayed in Sickbay to discuss some details for the anti-grav biobed that it had promised to make for Thog. Banjo and Dil headed back to the Bridge, Banjo, taking a moment to tap his commbadge and order B1 & B2 to start on retrieving the list of visitors to the Arboretum that Jantoo had requested. He then contacted M'Dral to have her up the output from the atmospheric replicators to keep the oxygen levels up on the ship. With the loss of the Arboretum's biomass, the ship would have to make much of its air, artificially. Acting First officer's Log; Stardate 57920.4 - Jantoo seems to have discovered the cause of the bizarre fungal infection that has claimed all of the plant life in the Arboretum and she has requested a briefing to discuss our options to recover from this emergency. "I have discovered what caused the death of everything in the Arboretum," Jantoo announced, to open the briefing. "It was the altered Athlete's Foot Fungus virus that the T.W.I.T.S. used on Bouffant!" "What?" echoed around the table as Ustrano's voice, louder than everyone else's called out, "How could that be possible? Wasn't everything that made it down to the surface sterilized? I know we even had to sterilize the dispersal probes that we used to kill the virus." "The virus that was used, as you know, had been altered to turn the Boufantans into Lounge Singers after they had been exposed to the altered antidote. What I didn't realize, at the time, was that those idiots had used Protomatter to alter the original Athlete's Foot Virus!" Gasps came from around the table. After that whole mess with Kirk, Spock and the Genesis Device, decades ago, Starfleet had declared Protomatter to be absolutely forbidden. Of course, Starfleet broke its own rules with disturbing regularity, so why it surprised anyone that Protomatter was being used, again, was anyone's guess. "Apparently the virus was carried back to the ship by me. I can only think that I must have gotten some water in my suit when the Bouffantans had put me up on that fountain while they were doing that song-and-dance routine. By that time the virus had mutated, so when I was transported back to the ship, it wasn't recognized as being dangerous, so it wasn't filtered out. Over the next week, the virus continued to mutate within me, luckily never changing into anything harmful, but multiplying and infiltrating my entire body. Yesterday, when we were playing in the stream and then laying on the lawn, the virus got into the Arboretum. By the baddest of bad luck, it was then in a form that was deadly to plants and quickly ravaged every living thing in there. I have managed to kill off the virus that was using me as a host, and I've confirmed that the sterilization field that Ustrano triggered in the Arboretum has, definately killed the virus there. So, at least we shouldn't have to worry about it continuing to mutate and cause further trouble." "Yeah," Dil agreed. "Now all we have to do is replant the entire Arboretum!" "We'll just have to make a detour to the nearest Starbase for new plant materials," Jantoo said. "Can't do it," disagreed Banjo. "Admiral Sontak sent us back to the Omega Configuration mostly to keep the ship out of the hands of Starfleet, so that they couldn't get any information on the polyiridichromnium and the OverMind. If we go to a Starbase, we'll destroy all of his chances to keep the secrets of the Omega Configuration, well, secret!" "Can't we just take a bunch of plants from Hydroponics and plant them in the Arboretum?" Dil asked. Aceed laughed. "The plants in Hydroponics have been specially developed to grow in that sort of environment. They wouldn't survive if they were planted in regular soil," he explained. "Well we still have the Xeno-botanical genetic database. If we tie that into an organic replicator we should be able to create some meristemic tissue culture germ plasm..." Ustrano offered. "Yes!" Aceed agreed, enthusiastically. "With zero-g forced propagation and the correct nutritive growing media, we should be able to produce semi-mature plants within only a few hours! Then its just a matter of transplanting everything! We can have the most unique Arboretum in all of Starfleet!" "Just like the crew!" Dil laughed. That last sentence of Aceed's was the only thing he had understood since Aceed had shot down his idea of using the plants from Hydroponics! ******************************************************************************** * For anyone wishing an explanation of propogation via tissure culture, I have * * included a short monograph at the end of this Special - PRC * ******************************************************************************** Aceed, being the most familiar with plants, designed a plan for reclaiming the Arboretum. With everyone helping, the crew was sure that they could have their Arboretum back in shape in no time! Acting First Officer's Log - Supplemental; After the briefing, we all got together at The Pirate's Cove for lunch. There, Aceed filled in some more details about his reclamation plan. When we had finished a delicious luncheon, we all headed off to work. After eating, Aceed headed off to the Botanics Lab to start replicating the germ plasm for a wide selection of plants. While he would include some Terrestrial varieties, he would also be including a wide selection from other worlds. This would be the most diverse Arboretum in all of Starfleet! Meanwhile, Ustrano, Dil, Linnea, Banjo, Hirthnole and M'Dral headed up to Deck 1. Jantoo wanted to check on her patients, but she would be joining them, later. M'Dral would be able to work for a bit, but when Jantoo showed up, she would be leaving to go torment Admiral Windgarde, some more. The first thing that had to be done, according to Aceed's plan, was that all of the dead plants had to be removed and disintegrated. Since the Arboretum had housed many good sized trees, phaser saws and other heavy equipment would have to be utilized. Banjo called Ensigns H'uee, D'uee and L'uee up to lend a hand and the trio of Klingon security officers were soon utilizing their bat'leths to combat the tough vegetation. Banjo retrieved his scythe and, for the first time in his hands, the harvester was used for what it had been originally designed for. Aceed came up to help after setting up his retrieval programs. He assured everyone that by late the next day, all of the plants would be ready. It was late /that/ day when the last of the dead vegatation was finally cleared. The weary group headed off to shower before meeting again for a late supper, together. Before they left, Ustrano triggered another sterilization sequence. Aceed had wanted to be certain that any trace of the virus that might have been uprooted or uncovered by the day's activities was absolutely dead before he introduced any new plant materials. After dinner, everyone headed to bed. The day's work had taken a toll on the Starfleeters. Starfleet officers were required to keep themselves in good, physical condition, but everyone was learning the difference between good, physical condition and doing a day's worth of hard work. And, today, they had only worked since lunchtime! Tomorrow would be a real challenge. The next morning, Aceed met with Ensign Diftur in the Botanics Propogation Lab. Aceed would need to supervise the next several steps in the Arboreturm, so he was instructing Diftur on how to complete the tissue culturing and then irradiate the young plants to accelerate their growth, properly. In point of fact, the Computer would be handling nearly everything, but Aceed felt better having someone there to watch over things. Ensign Diftur was Commander Ustrano's second in command. Diftur was something of an oddity, even on board the Menagerie. Diftur was a pacifistic Andorian! The Andorian Pacifist Party was the smallest political group on Andor. This was likely because, party members were regularly killed by just about everyone else on Andor. Although many considered killing someone who wouldn't fight back to be a waste of time, there were plenty who were happy to do so, if only to get in some practice. The Pacifists had all been cast out from their Hives and stripped of their apostrophes. D'ftu'r had taken on the name 'Diftur' had eventually made his way to Earth and joined Starfleet. Making his way through the Academy, he had become a pretty decent Engineer. He had been posted to the Menagerie right after graduation. At first, several of the other Andorians on board had threatened the pacifistic Ensign, but Ustrano had discussed the matter with them and the threats had miraculously stopped. Of course that 'discussion' had resulted in four Andorians spending several days in Sickbay, so maybe it wasn't all that 'miraculous' after all! Satisfied that Diftur had things well in hand, Aceed made his way up to the Arboretum, only to find the rest of his work crew already there. Well, there in spirit anyway. Most of them were lying on the sterile soil or sitting on the pile of bags that Aceed had had transported in, first thing that morning. To his surprise and delight, Commander Thog was there as well. Ustrano had finished her hoverbed and she was floating over by all the rest. The chest wound that she had recieved in battle with the Black Queen had been closed over by Jantoo's skillful application of several varieties of dermal regenerators, but her internal injuries would take a great deal longer to heal. Aceed suddenly had an idea. He made a mental note to check in with his parents about having Thog come to Alpha Sauria to finsih up her convalescence as soon as Jantoo would permit her to travel. Deciding that it was time to crack the whip, so to speak, Aceed clapped his hands, "OK everybody. We have alot of work to do before we can get to the planting stage. First of all, we have to replace all the nutrients that have been removed when we took out all the plants." "We didn't mess with the soil," protested Dil. "What nutrients were removed?" "The Arboretum runs on a natural cycle of life-death-decomposition and renewal," Aceed explained. "We've interrupted that cycle by removing an entire generation of life. Without that biomass to add nitrogen and trace minerals through composting and natural decomposition, we will have to augment the soil, artificially." "OK, OK," Dil sighed, resigned to more hard labor. "What do we do?" "Its simple," Aceed assured him, and everyone else. "All you have to do is spread the contents of these bags evenly over the soil. We have rakes and shovels and broadcast disperal units to make the job easy!" This pronouncement was met with looks of incredulity. Their muscles were still protesting the workout that they had been given yesterday. It was unlikely that /anything/ would be that easy, today. But, this had to be done, so the crew fell to work with a will, Banjo, Dil, Hirthnole and Ustrano hoisting up bags while Linnea, Jantoo and M'Dral grabbed rakes and shovels. H'uee, D'uee, L'uee and Aceed each got a broadcast disperal unit and followed the bag carriers around, so that they could distribute the fertilizer more efficiently. They had been working for about an hour when Banjo made an amazing observation. "Whoa! What is this stuff? It smells like crap!" Banjo complained. "That's because it /is/ crap!" Aceed delighted in informing the Changeling. "Crap? Where did that come from?" Dil asked, dropping the bag he was carrying. "What did you think happened to all of the waste that is produced by the 400 plus people on board the ship?" "I just assumed it was broken down into its component molecules and reused. Isn't that the normal procedure?" Dil asked. "Sure it is," Aceed replied. "But, some of it is super-liquified, and then dehydrated for use as fertilizer." "Oh!" Ustrano said. "I thought it went to the Turd Museum!" "The 'Turd Museum'?" Banjo asked incredulously. "Oh yeah!" Ustrano confirmed. "I hear they have some great sh!t there!" "Great sh..." Banjo started to repeat before he started laughing. Everyone else soon joined in, leaving an indignant looking Ustrano the only one not laughing. "Hey! Don't laugh!" it said. "Some of that crap is worth a lot of money!" This caused a redoubling of the laughter. So much so that Dil fell to the ground, he was laughing so much. Of course, falling onto ground that is covered in fertilizer wasn't the most pleasant gardening activity that one could pursue. Even worse, Thog laughed so hard that she pulled an intravenous tube free from her arm and alarms went off on the hoverbed, causing Jantoo to rush over to re-insert the tubing. She cursed under her breath as she worked, <<'Laughter is the best medicine'! What a load of fertilizer!>> Satisfied that Thog was fine, Jantoo headed back to the rest of the group. They were still laughing, but now they were laughing more at their fertilizer-covered Helmsman than at Ustrano's joke. "OK - you can all stop now!" Dil finally said, getting annoyed. "Whatever you say, sh!thead!" Banjo agreed, sending everyone into even more laughter. "Now that's enough!" Dil protested. "It's OK," Ustrano rumbled. "At least you were wearing 'dung'-arees!" "Hey!" "I always said you were full of crap!" Linnea added. By now it was impossible for any of them to stop their laughter. Even Dil had to conceed that some of these /were/ pretty funny. Of course, they would be even funnier if they had been directed at someone else! Diftur had been closely observing the plants for some time, now. There was something almost miraculous in the way that they seemed to grow before his eyes. The automated machinery would remove a glob of undifferentiated cells from the propagator and then separate that glob into many, smaller globlets. Each little globlet would then be subjected to various stimuli to stimulate the formation of roots, stems and leaves (well, for plants that /had/ roots, stems and leaves, anyway). The baby plants would then be given a quick dose of radiation to start the growing process and, depending upon the dosage of radiation, the plants would grow for a suitible amount of time to what was considered maturity. Annuals were given considerably shorter exposure than perennials, while shrubs were given more. Trees received the largest dosages. Enough so that they would be two to four meters tall by this evening. Finally, the machinery readied what the terminal reported was a Terrestrial species - rosa rugosa. Diftur, not being very informed about plants, did a quick Computer look up, as he had been doing on each plant, more out of trying to overcome the intense boredom of watching the automated equipment do everything than out of actual curiosity. He was surprised to find out that rosa rugaosa was the Earth Wild Rose. Diftur had fond memories of the giant rose bush that had grown outside his window at Starfleet Academy. Several times he had hidden in that bush to escape the Andorian Pascifist Exterminators that had sought him out from time to time. He had reasoned that a few thorns were better than ceremonial daggers! Deciding that this was his chance to repay that rose bush for the sanctuary that it had provided him with, he upped the radiation dosage for this batch. Unfortunately, his arm accidentally hit the 1000X multiplier button as he was reaching for the dosage dial. The newly formed baby rose bush was instantly bathed in a massive amount of radiation. Diftur, not realizing his error, merely smiled that he could repay an old friend after all this time. The 'gardening gang' was enjoying lunch in The Pirate's Cove. They had managed to get the fertilizer spread, despite their laughter and Aceed had ordered everyone out while he activated a heavy mist to saturate the newly augmented soil. After luch, he would innoculate the soil with a fresh batch of bacteria from the Botanics Lab. The plants would need the bacteria to help release the nitrogen that the fertilizer could provide. Several plants in the legume family would be among the first planted, that afternoon. Since legumes gathered nitrogen from the air and returned it to the soil, they were considered very important to the continued health of the replanted Arboretum. Aceed had been very careful in his planning out of the new Arboretum. This would be the crown jewel of starship gardens. Todd, The Pirate Cove's Bolian waiter, and the waiter that usually served the Senior Staff, came over with plates bearing everyone's lunch. While everyone else received their regular orders, Dil's plate contained an noxious-looking surprise. A light-colored gravy floated small bits of meat and this mixture had been poured over several slices of toasted bread. Looking up in surprise, Dil called out, "What's this?" "I was told that you would want it, specially, Sir," Todd replied. "'Specially'? What are you talking about? What /is/ this?" "It is chipped beef on toast, Sir," Todd replied. "But the Humans have a special name for it!" "A special name? What's that?" "They call it 'sh!t on a shingle', Sir!" Todd said, grinning, as he scampered away. Around the table the laughter started up again as Dil just sat and stared at Linnea. Her eyes were watering she was laughing so much and everybody else was nearly as bad off as she was. Dil just shook his head ruefully. It was beginning to dawn on him that he might NEVER live this one down. Todd then came back with Dil's normal order and removed the Human delicacy. The rest of the meal passed with only the ocassional giggle interrupting the sounds of people eating. Aceed advised everyone to get a nap. His bacterial inoculation wouldn't take much time, but he wanted to give the microscopic critters some time to find homes in their new environment. In any event, the plants wouldn't be ready until later. It was decided that everyone would meet back at The Pirate's Cove at about 17:00 for an early supper and then proceed up to the arboretum and work as long as it took to replant everything. M'Dral, while missing out on most of the gardening, was engaged in a little project of her own. Her exploits with Admiral Windgarde were becoming legendary among the crew. Somehow she managed to feign real pathos and concern while completely ignoring the man's pleas. Today would be the /piece-de-l'resitance/! She had planned this out to the last detail. Today she would assure her place in the hearts and minds of her crewmates. She started this session, like she had all the previous ones, by asking Windgarde to please go over everything that had been done to him. Windgarde ranted and raved for a good forty-five minutes about how the dirty, evil aliens had kidnapped him, denied him access to an attorney, unlawfully imprisoned him, served him horrible food, given him an uncomfortable bed, forced him to watch dozens of Italian Zombie movies (Ustrano's idea), and caused his 401K plan to lose its tax-free status! He was really getting into it, now, as the list was suddenly expanded to include unusual solar flare activity, the missing nose from the Great Sphinx in Egypt, crop circles, Jennifer Lopez movies, the missing 18 and a half minutes of tape, the grassy knoll, the sinking of the HMS Titanic, the Bermuda Triangle and the 'Where's the Beef' advertising campaign. M'Dral stoically listened to it all, nodding with encouragement from time to time and conveniently overlooking the fact that she, herself, was one of those 'dirty evil aliens'. A fact that even seemed to have escaped Windgarde! Finally sensing that the looney was winding down, M'Dral jumped up and said brightly, "Sir, I completely understand and sympathize with you! In fact, I have just what you need! Windgarde was overjoyed! He jumped to his feet with excitement, "What do you have for me?" he asked. "This!" M'Dral replied, as she swung her foot back to gather extra momentum before she brought it forward, as hard as she could, right between Windgarde's legs! The Admiral crashed to the deck of his cell, suddenly not nearly as enthusiastic about M'Dral's gift as he had been. "Thanks for playing, Admiral!" M'Dral bent over and gave Windgarde a peck on the cheek. Then she, whistling merrily, exited his cell. Windgarde, rude to the end, didn't even say 'goodbye'! After a quick supper (with only a few poop jokes) the gardening gang headed back up to the Arboretum. Thog would be staying in Sickbay, this evening, needing her rest. Aceed took a few readings with a specially programmed tricorder and verified that the nutrient and bacterialogical levels in the soil were satisfactory. Then the planting began! First to go in were the trees. Special transplanting tractor arrays and low-power planting phasers were activated in the walls and ceiling of the Arboretum to assist with these larger specimens. Aceed had created a holographic display of the planting plan so that everyone would know where to plant what. Following these visual instructions, positioning the freshly grown plants was a relatively simple matter and, within just over an hour, all of the trees had been planted correctly. Soon, the trees that the Saurian had selected would erupt in colorful displays. Each of the species of tree had been selected for its decorative distinctness. Some had beautiful bark and/or leaves. Others had attractive and/or fragrant flowers. Some had pretty fruits. Each specimen or grouping would flow into other plantings creating a unified scheme and harmonious whole. Next to be put in were the shrubs. Again, the three 'F's of foliage, flowers and fruit were the criteria that had been used for selecting these shrubs. Practically every Federation world was represented by this United Federation of Plants. Even some Romulan, Dominion and Cardassian plants were used, easily making this most unique collection of plants that any of the officers had ever seen. One of the last plants to go in the ground was Diftur's rosebush. He had been extra-protective of the thorny shrub, making sure it got special attention. Finally, the shrubs were done. Some clusters of plants merged with the trees, while others stood alone. Again, the overall picture was one of surpassing beauty and tranquility. Now came the perennials. These plants, although long-lived, generally went through a die-down period, annually. Aceed had developed a planting scheme that would assure that there would always be a riot of color on display in the Arboretum. The cyclical life cycle of the perennials would allow him to display multiple colors in the same area at different 'seasons'. The Arboretum had complete control over its climate, so it was relatively easy to create seasonal changes. Aceed had already made the appropriate programming at the Arboretum master console. About halfway through the perennial plantings, some parts of the ground began to writhe and twist. Everyone stopped work to witness this bizarre phenomenon. "Ahhh - looks like you've got gophers!" Dil laughed, joined in by nearly everyone else. Among those not laughing were Aceed Sperr and Ustrano. Aceed, because he knew that there should not be any animal life in the Arboretum, yet. He had planned to introduce various flying insects, birds and small animals at some time in the future, but the Arboretum was nowhere near ready for anything like that at this point in its recovery. Ustrano wasn't laughing because he was trying to extrapolate back along the heaving soil to the origin of these unexpected tremors. Suddenly, directly beneath the laughing Helmsman, a whitish tentacle of some kind shot out of the ground! Wrapping itself around the dazed Betazoid, it lofted Dil into the air, flailing him around as his laughter turned to yelps of chagrin. More tentacles shot out of the ground, some attacking other people while some formed a living wall in front of the exit. Everyone was now trapped in the Arboretum! As more and more tentacles whipped into the air, their source became clear. Diftur's rosebush, had grown to several meters tall and the tentacles were the plant's roots! Even worse, the mutated bush next sent out its thorn-covered branches to painfully capture Linnea, Jantoo and Aceed! Dil was hurled to the ground, but he sprang back up, although he /was/ covered in crap again. "By the Depths! Its a Biollante!" Ustrano yelled in alarm. "What the heck is a 'Biollante'?" Dil asked, dodging a root-tentacle. "A Biollante is a huge, mutated, sentient rose bush!" Ustrano explained. "And there's a name for that?!" Dil asked in disbelief. "I'll explain later!" Ustrano promised. "Right now we have to take care of that thing!" "But how could it have happened?" Dil asked, just before he was whisked up by one of the branches. "Ummmm, I might have the answer to that," Diftur admitted. "I gave the rose a little extra radiation." "I won't even ask why," Ustrano rumbled fending off branches and roots with several shovels that it had grabbed. "I'll take care of it," Diftur said confidently as he strode right up to the horrible-looking monster that he had inadvertantly created. "I am responsible for your being the way that you are! It was all my fault! I did it as a way of repaying an old friend of mine. A rosebush that had been my /only/ friend on ocassion. I am the one responsible. If anyone must pay the price for your tortured existence, let it be me!" Ensign Diftur's anguished plea did not fall on deaf, sound-recieving organs. Almost tenderly, the Biollante lifted the young Andorian and cradled him with its hand-like fronds. And then the vicious plant hurled the boy at the Arboretum's wall! Ustrano's lightning-fast tentacles were the only things that saved Diftur from being squashed against the wall. Although that salvation might not last very long as the Biollante seemed to increase its efforts to eradicate the garden pests. "There'll be no sacrifices, today, Ensign," Ustrano informed his Andorian assistant as it lowered Diftur to the ground. Making good use of a pair of secaturs that he had had in his pocket, Aceed managed to free himself and roll to cover behind a Klingon Oak tree. Thinking quickly, Aceed activated his commbadge, "Ensign Zamtra! Quickly replicate 10 liters of concentrated weed-killer and transport it to the Arboretum!" The chilling message that came back rooted them all to the spot, "Transporter control is unavailable right now. Please call back during normal business hours. We look forward to sending you where you are not." Banjo had been futilely hacking away at several roots with his scythe. Each time he cut one it seemed that it only caused the attacking root to send out new side-shoots which immediately renewed the attack on the Changeling. Seeing Aceed, behind his tree, the First officer called out, "You're the plant expert! How do we fight this?" "Somebody has to wriggle out through the ventilation system and and get to a weapons locker and a replicator. They need to come back with phaser rifles and herbicide!" "Any particular one?" Banjo asked as he leapt over a swarm of rootlets and into a Bajoran Beech tree. "You'll have to go with something nasty!" Aceed decided. "Try to make some dichlorophenoxyacetic acid!" "I can't even pronounce that!" Banjo protested. "Its in the historical database!" Aceed ignored Banjo's protest. "Look under the twentieth century Human section!" Banjo dove from his perch and rolled over to where Ustrano was valiantly fending off multiple attacks. The Biollante seemed very upset over the slug in the garden! "Can you toss me up to the air duct?" Banjo requested as he stripped off his uniform. He didn't need any restrictions to his ability to fit himself through the narrow ventilation system. "Oh sure!" Ustrano laughed. "Anything else? Need me to knit you a sweater, too?" "Just the toss will do, thanks!" Ustrano formed a sling from two of its tentacles and Banjo rolled himself into a ball and hopped into the sling. Ustrano hurled the ball that was the ship's First Officer at one of the ventilation ducts, high on the wall. The Biollante whipped a couple of tentacles at the flying Changeling, but he managed to twist out of their way. Ripping the protective grill from the duct, Banjo slithered inside, several branches, snaking their way after him! Aceed, knowing Banjo was their only hope, ran to where the Changeling's scythe had been left next to the Beech tree. Picking up the weapon, he flung it at the branches pursuing his friend. His aim was true! The branches were sheared off giving Banjo a chance to escape! Aceed's victory was short lived, however, as the Biollante surrounded him with roots and branches before hauling its new prize aloft. Ustrano was now the only member of the gardening gang, as yet uncaptured. This was not an honor that the Velvattian would hold for long, unfortunately, as the Biollante simply lifted up the entire patch of ground that the Engineer had been standing on! After allowing the soil to sift between its tentacles, the plant monster was left with the wiggling Velvattian. Dil, Diftur, Jantoo, Linnea, H'uee, D'uee, L'uee, Aceed and Ustrano were all now held aloft by the triumphant creature. But what should it do with these prizes? Suddenly, the Biollante had an inspiration! It was time to do some gardening of its own! Banjo slithered down the ventilation shaft. Now that the Biollante's branches no longer pursued him, Banjo could concentrate on the job at hand - namely, destroying that monster! Planning ahead and thinking through various options, Banjo abruptly found his way blocked by some sort of massive grid filled with black, gritty material. Banjo, who had barely a rudimentary knowledge of plants, had run into the ventilation system's carbon dioxide blocking system. Thanks to improved educational systems throughout Federation worlds, nearly everybody understood that plants used sunlight and carbon dioxide to grow. As a by-product of that growth, the plants emitted oxygen. This was why they were used in ships' arboretums. What many people failed to understand, however, was that, without sunlight, plants would absorb oxygen in order to continue to grow. Now a houseplant or even an entire greenhouse full of plants on Earth, or any other world with a standard oxygen-nitrogen atmosphere wouldn't absorb enough to be noticed. In a closed environment, on the other hand, like, say, that of a starship, the oxygen absorbtion could be substantial. Therefore steps had to be taken to keep the Arboretum from depleting the oxygen content of the air, during ship's night. The activated charcoal and the interlocking baffles in the ventilation shaft were in the locked down position and would not return to their open position until ship's morning. Banjo, of course, couldn't wait that long so he began to force his way through the baffles. Of course, the warm, damp air from the Arboretum would find itself trapped in the ventilator shafts every evening. The /dark/ ventilator shafts. Warm, damp and dark, close to the presence of plants, is the recipe for fungus, as any botanist can tell you. The first ships that Starfleet had launched with Arboretums had overlooked this fact and problems had soon arisen. Eventually, the environmental engineers who designed the Arboretum ventilation systems had worked out a method for dealing with the occasional fungal build up in their ventilation shafts. A method Banjo was about to become veeeeery familiar with! "Ventilation weight sensors indicate imbalance! Excessive fungal build up detected in ventilation shaft 12!" the voice of the environmental control computer subsystem suddenly announced. Banjo froze, wondering what would happen next. "Fungal erradication systems activated! Erradication commencing... Now!" Super heated steam shot out from tiny nozzles lining the inside of the shaft. "Yowtch! Ow ow ow ow ow! Hot hot hot!" Banjo slithered faster between the baffles, stretched as thin as he could make himself. First he had been attacked by some weird, mutated plant. Then he had had to crawl through the ship's ventilation system. Now he was being sprayed by scalding hot water as he worked to save his friends. Banjo was waaaaay past angry, now. In fact, he was steamed! "Ow!" M'Dral cried out, sucking on her fingers. That popcorn was hot! She had nearly burned her fingers on the melted butter! She, along with Hirthnole and most of the rest of the off-duty crew were sitting in Holodeck One, watching a best-of compilation that the Tellarite had put together for tonight's show. Of course, the main event would be the showing of M'Dral's encounter with Windgarde, earlier that day. She idly wondered what the rest of her friends were up to at that moment. She almost wished that she could be helping them, but her adoring public demanded her presence here at the premiere of latest episode of the "Let's Annoy Windgarde Show!", and who was she to deny them the great pleasure of her personnal appearance? Banjo dragged himself through a vent on Deck 2. Somehow he had managed to get turned around inside the shafts and wound up one level down from the Arboretum. In fact, he had no idea where he was, actually. The room that he exited out into was pitch black. Dropping down, he landed in a oddly shaped, round chamber. Had he landed in a big bucket or something? <> he decided, <> As he was trying to figure out where, exactly he was, the washing machine that he had inadvertantly dropped into, detected his weight and slammed its lid down on his head! Sensing that it had a large load, the washer, latched its top on securely and set itself for 'Super Heavy Duty'! Banjo futilely banged on the lid as the water level in the washer started to rise. Fortunately, Banjo didn't really breathe. He comforted himself with the knowledge that at least he wouldn't drown in here. That comfort was short-lived as the washer, once full, began to spin back and forth and around and around! "Oops!" M'Dral yelped, annoyed that she had spilled a few drops of cola on her shirt. She had been idly swirling the mix of ice and soda around in her cup when she had accidentally spun a bit out. Man! Nothing was going her way, tonight! The washer finally finished and popped its lid up. Banjo climbed out of the evil machine and collapsed onto the floor. He didn't even understand why a starship needed a laundry room in the first place! Didn't most people just replicate a new uniform or outfit when they needed it? Finally clearing his head as much as he could, he got to his feet. Remembering why he had come out through the air vent in the first place, he quickly burst into motion... and ran directly into the wall! Man! That spin cycle was murder on your equilibrium! Trying again, this time on his hands and knees, he made his way to the door, which, obediently opened for him. He crawled through, into the corridor. Finally! Now he just had to find the nearest weapons locker and replicator! Reaching up to tap his commbadge, he suddenly remembered that he had left it in the Arboretum when he had removed his uniform. Doggedly, he crawled on, seeking a Computer console. "<> M'Dral thought to herself as she watched the holos of highlights. <> Banjo finally made his way to a console and recieved directions to both of his destinations. He was feeling a bit steadier by now and had retaken his feet. He made his way to the replicator, first and made himself a new uniform. He hadn't been able to remember the name of that chemical that Aceed had suggested, but while skimming through the historical database, he had come across a reference to a weapon that looked promising. Punching in the reference code that he had gotten from the database, he used his Security clearance to authorize the creation of the device. In fact, he made five others, thinking Dil, Aceed and the Klingons might need some, too. Viewing his prizes, he replicated a small wheelbarrow, too. There was no way he was carrying all of that! Adding a new scythe to the load, he decided to skip the trip to the armory on Deck 5. Instead, he made his way to the nearest turbolift and ascended to Deck 1. Hurrying down the corridor, he made his way to the Arboretum. Steeling himself for what he might find behind the doors, he keyed them open. What he saw was beyond even his most bizzare and twisted nightmare. The Biollante had removed the root tentacles which had been blocking the doors. It had also been busy with other, more evil, changes. It had transformed the Arboretum landscape into something truly unique. Disturbing and horrible, true, but unique nonetheless! H'uee, D'uee and L'uee had been tansformed into decorative planters! H'uee had his hands covering his eyes and potted begonias in the crook of each elbow and on top of his head. D'uee was laying on his back with his hands covering each ear and and a pot of fuchsias balanced on each foot. L'uee, on his belly, had his hands covering his mouth and a row of pots containing impatients on his back. All three Klingons were standing or laying as still as they could, seemingly terrified of what the insane plant might to to them if they moved. The two that could see Banjo pleaded with their eyes for him to end their torment. Looking closer, Banjo detected thin branches runing up each of their legs, under their pants. The branches never emerged from the tops of their clothing so Banjo had a pretty good idea where they probably where. Not exactly the place for a branch covered in thorns, Banjo decided. He decided to locate the others before making any efforts to free the Klingons. Moving further into the Arboretum, he discovered Linnea and Jantoo. The two had been stripped and stood facing each other, with their arms stretched out and over their heads, towards each other. Vines grew over the pair and Banjo realized that they had been transformed into a trellised archway! They actually looked kinda nice, if you overlooked that whole being alive and used as building materials thing. Banjo, as yet undetected by the mutated plant monster, quietly slipped past the girls and towards the center of the Arboretum. There, an even more bizarre sight greeted his eyes! Dil, Diftur and Aceed were buried up to their necks in the ground, while thorny branches kept their mouths wide open. The way they were buried, their open mouths were just about even with the top of the soil and Banjo was at a loss to explain this arrangement. Then it suddenly dawned on him! Jantoo had always dreamed of having a simple, little cottage of her own. When the Quest for the Six Spheres of Power had placed the crew in a realm where their every thought became real, she had created just such place. Around the cottage were neat, little gardens and nestled in these gardens were what she called 'toad houses'. She had learned about them while studying medicine on Earth. That's what Dil, Diftur and Aceed had become! Living toad houses! Thank the Great Link that no wildlife had been introduced to the Arboretum yet! Leaving the wheelbarrow behind, he stealthily crept forward. Here, in the very center of the Arboretum, he found the central stalk of the Biollante and Ustrano. Somehow the Biollante had ripped out much of the ceiling plating, exposing the high voltage cables that ran the Arboretum's lighting. The evil plant was tossing the massive Velvattian up at the cables, but Ustrano had, so far managed to catch the edges of the opening and save itself. After each unsucessful toss, the Biollante would peel the Engineer off of the ceiling and try again. Banjo realized that the Biollante had created a massive bug-zapper and was trying to zap Ustrano! It was only a matter of time until it succeeded, too. Stepping forward, Banjo fired-up the antique flame thrower that he had strapped to his back. Sending a jet of flame past the occupied Biollante, he took an offensive stance and waited for the plant's response. It wasn't a long wait. Whipping its captives from their positions around the Arboretum, the Biollante waved them around in a threatening manner. "OK! I get it!" Banjo acknowledged. "If I fry you, you squish them. But, understand, if you squish them, I fry you!" The plant seemed comfortable with this arrangement, which was more than could be said for its captives. Hoping to break the stalemate, Aceed spoke up, "But what do you want?" he asked. "We are the most diverse crew in Starfleet. Surely we can come to some sort of an understanding?" As if to answer the Biollante spread its tentacles wide. "You want the Arboretum?" Aceed guessed. Somehow the Biollante radiated affirmation. "But, the Arboretum has always been for plants, hasn't it? What would you change?" Aceed asked confused. With several extremely vivid gestures, the Biollante pantomimed pruning, harvesting, flower plucking and other activities that had always seemed harmless to the officers. "But surely, you understand that sometimes pruning and harvesting and even more extreme actions are needed to keep plants healthy!" Aceed protested. More charades followed as the Biollante made it very clear that it felt that its judgement should be of paramount importance when considering any such actions in the future. "Well, OK. You can have the Arboretum!" Aceed decided. "Would it be OK for us to at least visit, from time to time?" Slowly, hesitantly, the Biollante lowered its captives back to the ground and shooed them towards the door. In the depths of the Arboretum, the Biollante's roots opened up planting areas and the Master Gardener quickly filled these in with annuals, ground covers and the remaining perennials, which it carried over in its branches. Picking themselves up, the gardening gang quickly made their way out of the Arboretum and back to the safety of the corridor. "Ummm, what just happened?" Dil asked. "I think we just got a new crew member!" Banjo laughed. "I think we need a new sign for the Arboretum," Ustrano rumbled. "What - 'Beware of plants'?" Dil laughed, and was joined by the others. Deciding that they had had enough fun for one day, everyone decided to retire and get some sleep. The next morning, the whole gang, met outside the doors to the Arboretum. Thog and Aceed were at the back of the group, talking quietly but excitedly. Ustrano, true to his word, had placed a new plaque outside the entrance: WELCOME TO OUR ARBORETUM PLEASE LEAVE ONLY FOOTRINTS AND TAKE ONLY HOLOGRAPHS... OR ELSE! Banjo keyed the doors open and the group walked into a fairyland! The Biollante had created a truly amazing landscape. Part, sunny meadow, part deep jungle and a mixture that was, somehow, unique onto itself, the Arboretum had certainly become the most unusual in all of Starfleet! Jantoo spoke with Aceed and Thog for a bit. "My parents have extended an invitation for Thog to recuparate on their estate on Alpha Sauria IV," Aceed reported. "That sounds like an excellent idea," Jantoo agreed. "She should be well enough for that kind of a trip in a day or two," she decided. Aceed and Thog looked forward to the happy times they would have at his boyhood home. Jantoo wandered over to Banjo, who had been unusually quiet this morning. "What's up, hon? Still upset over the trouble, yesterday?" she guessed. "No," he shook his head, "that was nothing. I've just heard from Admiral Sontak that three ships escaped from Trill with either Black Princesses or Queens onboard!" "Oh my!" Jantoo exclaimed. "No wonder you're upset." "It's even worse," Banjo admitted. "The Wing Chun was destroyed during the battle. There were almost no survivors." "Oh, Banjo! When will you tell the others?" "There's no rush. The Aikido is being temporarily assigned to Project 'Open Arms' to deal with the Black Queens. Let's let everyone enjoy the peace and quiet while we still have a chance." That peace and quiet was suddenly shattered by screams of terror and pain. A young Bajoran couple came running past. The man's pants were down and a heart with initials had been carved into the poor man's buttocks. Apparently, they had missed the whole 'OR ELSE!" part of the new plaque! The pair continued running, right out of the Arboretum. Banjo and Jantoo made their way over to where the Biollante was carefully peeling the bark away from one of the larger trees, the discolorated bark giving mute testimony to who had tried to write their initials, first. Waving at the ship's new gardener, the pair snuck off to a guiet glade where a small brook trickled down a stoney hillside. Getting a impish loook in her eyes, Jantoo started slipping off her uniform. "Hey! Isn't that how this whole mess started in the first place?" Banjo asked. "Yep!" affirmed Jantoo. "So, can you think of a better way to end it?" "I suppose not," Banjo agreed, taking the tiny doctor in his arms. It sure was turning out to be a beautiful day! I welcome Reader Feedback! Please let me know what you've thought of Melting Pot so far, and, in particular this story! Contact me at: meltingpot@khobrah.net ********************************************************************************************** Tissue Culture Propagation of Aquatic Plants: An Overview by Carol M. Stiff Micropropagation involves the mass production of plants, from small parts (such as shoot tips, axillary buds, nodes, rhizomes) in sterile controlled environments. The main advantage of this technique, also referred to as in vitro propagation or plant tissue culture, is that a small piece of plant can produce hundreds of new plants which can be identical to the "mother" plant. Plants produced in tissue culture also tend to be disease free. While this does not eliminate disease once the plants are in the outdoor environment, it does give the plants a healthier start and a better chance of defense The major steps in plant tissue culture involve: * Establishing an explant in a sterile culture environment free of contamination from bacteria and fungi * Inducing a proliferation of multiple shoots * Transferring these shoots to fresh media to induce further growth * Rooting in vitro or in soil * Acclimating the plantlets to the outside environment. Explants are usually rinsed in dilute commercial bleach with a few drops of detergent to get rid of contaminants. The strength of the disinfecting solution and the duration of soaking the explant in the disinfectant will vary from species to species. Other disinfectants, such as calcium hypochlorite, alcohol, PPM, or even antibiotics, may be used in the procedure. Explants are rinsed in sterile water and cultured on a medium that will support the growth of the meristem or other plant part. * The type of medium used will also vary with the species that is being cultured. * Biocides, such as PPM, may also be included in the medium to minimize contamination. * Plant growth regulators may be included in the media to induce shoot growth or rooting. These should be used with caution as they can induce variation in the resulting plants. * Once a clean culture is established and multiple shoots have been produced, these can be aseptically separated and placed in fresh culture to continue growth or to induce root formation. A single plant part can produce hundreds to thousands of offspring in a single year. * Plantlets, whether rooted in tissue culture, or in soil, must then be acclimated to the outside world (lower humidity, higher temperatures, diseases and pests). Plantlets that have been transferred to soil are usually kept in a humid environment for a few days. Gradually the humidity is lowered until the plant can tolerate the "real world". **********************************************************************************************