SSSSS t TTTTTTTTTT kk SSSSSSS tt TTTTTTTTTT kk SS SSS tt TT kk SS SS ttttt aaaaa rr rr TT rr rr aaaaa kk kk sssss :: SSSS ttttt aaaaaaa rrrrr TT rrrrr aaaaaaa kk kk sssssss :: SSSSSS tt aa aa rrr TT rrr aa aa kk kk ss ss SSSSS tt aaaa rr TT rr aaaa kkkkk ssss SSS tt aaaaaa rr TT rr aaaaaa kkkkk sssss SS SS tt aaa aa rr TT rr aaa aa kkk kk ssss SSS SSS tt aa aa rr TT rr aa aa kk kk ss ss SSSSSSS tttt aaaaaaa rr TT rr aaaaaaa kk kk sssssss :: SSSSS ttt aaaa aa rr TT rr aaaa aa kk kk sssss :: MMM MMM ll t ii MMM MMM ll tt ii MMMM MMMM ll tt MMMM MMMM eee ll ttttt ii nn nnnn ggg gg MM M M MM eeeee ll ttttt ii nnnnnnnn ggggggg MM MM MM MM ee ee ll tt ii nnn nn ggg ggg MM MM MM MM eeeeeee ll tt ii nn nn gg gg MM MM MM MM eeeeeee ll tt ii nn nn gg gg MM MMM MM ee ll tt ii nn nn gg gg MM MMM MM eee ee ll tt ii nn nn ggg ggg MM MMM MM eeeee ll tttt ii nn nn ggggggg MM M MM eee ll ttt ii nn nn ggg gg gg gg gggggggg gggggg PPPPPPP t PPPPPPPP tt PP PPP tt PP PP oooo ttttt PP PPP oooooo ttttt PPPPPPPP ooo ooo tt PPPPPPP oo oo tt PP oo oo tt PP oo oo tt PP ooo ooo tt PP oooooo tttt PP oooo ttt Star Traks: Melting Pot is based on Alan Decker's Star Traks, which in turn is based on Star Trek, created by Gene Roddenberry, may he rest in peace. Welcome to the Second Season of Melting Pot - who'da thunkit? Copyright 2006. "The Rainbow Connection" by Paul Cloutier Be thou the rainbow in the storms of life. The evening beam that smiles the clouds away, and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray. Lord Byron Apologies to: Kermit the Frog Margaret Mitchell Alan Dean Foster Pfizer Consumer Healthcare Robert M. Pirsig Kraft Foods Captain's log; Stardate 58157.4 - Things have been surprisingly peaceful on board over the past several weeks. Admiral Sontak informs me that things are shaping up, quite satisfactorily on Sushi IV. He seems quite amused that Starfleet Command seems to consider our success to be a fluke. Although I don't quite understand why they would be talking about planaria, I will take that as a good thing. Lately Lieutenant Gisech and I have been engaging in the most enlightening philisophical discussions. Gisech is certainly capable of carrying his end of these discusssions and I have been recording the proceedings to use for evidence to support my monograph on the suitability of non-Vulcans for philisophical debate. Seetamyn walked into The Pirate's Cove to find the command staff listening with rapt attention to the latest of Gisech's stories. The Graaken had, lately, been entertaining the crew with his seemingly endless series of stories from ancient Earth. The missionaries that had initially encountered Gisech's people had trained his ancestors in a myriad of different philosophies and historical frameworks. In the past, Gisech's rather long-winded recitations of only marginally relevant points had annoyed and disturbed his crewmates. Lately he had been using his vast knowledge to share visions of a planet that none of them were particularly familiar with. Seetamyn almost smiled as he came to understand how the Graaken had found common ground with the crew. Sharing tales of Earth with them would allow them to interact much better with Starfleet's vast contingent of Humans. This way, everybody won. But did his ears detect crying? "So, so, so the little bear didn't get any supper?" wept M'Dral. "Or, or any place to sleep?" chimed in Jantoo, with misty eyes of her own. "Do not fear! Once the three bears saw who was sleeping in the bed, they ate her and they all lived happily ever after!" Gisech had found that a slight bit of editorializing was necessary for his audience to gain full enjoyment from his stories. This explained the rather more grisly ends to several of his tales. Smiles broke out all around as the courageous bears triumphed over the trespassing blonde. They widened as Captain Seetamyn took his customary seat at the table. "Good evening, Sir," Banjo greeted the Vulcan and his greeting was echoed by the rest of the table. Seetamyn raised his carrot juice in ackowledgement of the salutation. Having Gisech to debate with had mellowed the Captain a good deal. He was as close to being a 'relaxed' Vulcan as it was possible to find. The conversations around the table continued as people discussed their days, although with the ship being on extended standby mode, there was little enough worth discussing. Just as several uncomfortable lags in conversation were threatening to end the nightly get together, the lighting suddenly took on a bluish tint. Surprised, everyone looked around, except Linnea, who knew what was happening, "What's up, Cerulean?" "MiLady, I confess that I must trouble you with a request for some time off," the pulsing blueness that was The Pirate's Cove's Maitre'd confessed. "Time off? I'm sure that can be arranged, but what's wrong?" Linnea responded. "I don't wish to bother MiLady with personal matters," the HoolooVoo replied. "Nonsense! Your family has been friends with mine for decades! What's up?" "MiLady I am forced to return home due to a crisis! Something has stirred up the HinkLinkVinks and they are demanding a separate voice! All Primaries have been ordered back to Spectra to deal with the crisis!" "Oh no! Not them, again! This time it sounds serious!" Linnea agreed, concerned. "But how will you get back?" "MiLord Lusiphen has agreed to send a shuttle for me." "Oh, that's too slow!" Linnea argued. "Captain," she asked, turning to Seetamyn, "would it be possible for us to head into Syndicate territory and drop Cerulean at Spectra?" "I do not see any reason why not," Seetamyn mused. "We are on extended detached duty, so our course is our own to set. Give Lieutenant Mantron the coordinates and we'll head there immediately." "Oh! Thank you, Sir!" the impulsive Orion bent down to give the Captain a kiss on the cheek. "I'll get in touch with daddy and get us safe passage through Syndicate space. I think we can make the whole trip through my family's territory, so there shouldn't be any problems there." Cerulean just pulsed with happiness, "Oh! Thank you all! You can't know how much this means to me!" The Maitre'd drifted back to the front of The Pirate's Cove, a happy glow, literally, suffusing his entire being. "You really think your dad will let us help," Dil asked Linnea. "Why wouldn't he? Like I said, our two families have been friends for a long time." "I just thought that the Orions would want to sell arms or something if there was an uprising going on." "Ummm, hon. The Spectrans are colors - they can't hold weapons!" "What do you mean 'they're colors'?" Ustrano wanted to know. "They're all like Cerulean," Linnea tried to clarify. "Just shades of color." "But surely, they have SOME substance," Ustrano asked astounded. "No mass, no energy, no nothing - just color!" "Wait a minute! No mass? No energy? According to the laws of physics that's impossible!" Ustrano protested. "Well, do the laws of physics have mass or energy?" Linnea asked, in full 'imp' mode. "Well, no," Ustrano was forced to admit. "So you say that something can't exist because something else, which by its own definition doesn't exist, says that it can't exist?" Linnea asked, confusing the bejeebers out of everyone. Dil, deciding that the question of Cerulean's existence was one that Seetamyn and Gisech could argue about at one of their 'debates', got up and left the Lounge. Stepping just down the hall, he entered an auxilary environmental control room. Using the console there, he entered the coordinates that Linnea had given him and engaged the Warp Drive. The ship changed course and zipped into warp, heading for the planet Spectra, deep in Syndicate space. Dil returned to his friends to find them still trying to twist their minds around Linnea's argument. "I've set the course. We'll be there in about three days," the Helmsman announced. "Let me contact daddy," Linnea said running off. She came back a few minutes later, "Everything is clear to go. He's recalling the shuttle that he had sent and he invites us to swing by Terthot on our way back for drinks at The Asteroid." "The Asteroid? That's a pretty lofty name for a pirate hangout, isn't it?" Linnea just laughed, "Generally, we just call it 'Rogue'. Its kind of a joke, you see." "Rogue? You mean like a rogue asteroid or pirates being called 'rogues'? That's really quite clever," Gisech observed. "I'm sure daddy will be overjoyed that it meets your approval," Linnea teased the Graaken. "OK, enough jokes," Banjo announced. "What can you tell us about the situation on Spectra?" "Well, Spectra is pretty much unique in the galaxy. The planet is surrounded by some sort of weird, prismatic particles that, centuries ago, for reasons that nobody really seems to understand, produced sentient colors on the planet. Beings like Cerulean came into being and have existed ever since." "'Ever since'? Are they immortal?" M'Dral wondered. "Pretty much," Linnea confirmed. "They cease to exist in the dark, but, fortunately those same particles disperse the planet's sun- and moonslight over the entire surface." "Do they breed?" Ustrano asked the question that everyone seemed afraid to. Linnea laughed, "They can't interact with anything, remember? In fact, that's the main reason that the other Orions leave them pretty much alone. My family recognized their value quite some time ago and have been employing them ever since." "What, as Maitre'ds?' asked Jantoo. "Among other things," Linnea confirmed. "They make great lookouts and spies too." "But how do you pay them?" "Mostly with vidchips of variety shows or comedies," Linnea answered. "Why, in the name of the Great Bird, would they want anything like that?" Banjo asked incredulously. "Well, it cheers them up when they're blue," Linnea explained. "But aren't they always blue?" Dil asked, confused. "Only the HooLooVoos," Linnea replied. "The HedLedVeds and the HoeLoeVoes don't have that trouble." By now everyone was confused. Linnea decided to take a couple of steps backward and try again. "The planet is run but what they call the Tri-Three, sort of a Senate made up of three members from each of the Primaries. The Primaries are the HooLooVoos, the HedLedVeds and the HoeLoeVoes. An advisory committe, called the Three of Twos, is made up of one member from each of the secondaries - the HeenLeenVeens, the HpleLpleVples and the HngeLngeVnges, and sits just below the Tri-Three. They offer a mediation function for bringing grievences from the Secondaries to the attention of the Tri-Three. Below the Primaries and the Secondaries are the HownLownVowns, the lowest ranking Spectrans. These three levels of Spectran society have existed since the very beginning, but lately a new group, the HinkLinkVinks have started causing trouble..." "Wait a minute! Why do they need any sort of governing body? They can't touch anything. They don't use up resources. What's the big deal?" Gisech, student of countless Earthly political systems, wanted to know. "Well, that's mostly our fault," Linnea admitted. "You see, the contracts that we have for their services alway require that a person stay on the planet in exchange for every Spectran that leaves. It is a great boon to one's family to be chosen to work off planet because, by leaving, you make the one indespensible resource more abundant. You see, they need someone to play the vidchips, someone to turn on music. Physical beings are the ONLY resource on the planet! The Tri-Three have set up distributions of time allotments based on the population of each of the seven families. There is a little bit of skew introduced because the family that procured the resource gets special weighting for allotments but it has all worked pretty well. Now the HinkLinkVinks, which by rights should be members of the HedLedVeds and the HpleLpleVples want to form their own family. This would throw off the allotment tables that have existed for centuries!" "Wait a minute!" Dil suddenly shouted. "HooLooVoos - they're Blue! HedLedVeds - they must be Red! HoeLoeVoes - Yellow!" Linnea looked at her boyfriend with the approving, indulgent look of a parent with a mischevious but intelligent child, "Oh, very good honey!" Dil had the good humor to look a bit embarrased about his outburst. "So," Banjo considered, "The HinkLinkVinks or Pinks want to be recognized as a separate family from the Reds or the Purples. But how can becoming separate gain them any more time allotments? Wouldn't they just loose what allotments they might have as Primary Reds and further dilute the Secondary allotments away from the Purples." "Apparently, they hope to topple the whole structure," Linnea told them grimly. "If they can break away enough members from the Reds, they can try to show that the entire system is now invalid and call for re-aportionment. If that happens, you'll have Teals, Pastels, Naturals - who knows how many splinter groups!" "Yeah, but, so what?" Ustrano asked. "its not like they can do any violence against each other. What difference does it make if the time allotments are re- aportioned?" "In the grand scheme of things, probably very little," admitted Linnea. "But, as I've mentioned, the HooLooVoos have been friends of my family for a very long time. We stand by our friends. We'll try to do anything to help his family keep their allotments!" "Well, when you put it that way," Ustrano rumbled then extended a tentacle with a drink in it as a toast, "For Cerulean!" The rest of the table joined in, "For Cerulean!" Hearing them, the Maitre'd blushed a brighter blue. Captain's Log; Stardate 58167.0 - After an uneventful trip through Orion Syndicate space, we have arrived at Spectra. The planet appears to be surrounded by a mirror-like field of debris. This, Linnea tells me, is what the Orions call the Prismatic Particle Shell. Their scientists theorize that this Shell was initially responsible for the Spectrans gaining sentience although they have not been able to determine how this was possible. "Its beautiful," M'Dral puffed from the Ops Console, seeing the brilliant ball that was Spectra. "Looks like a big disco ball," offered Gisech, with yet another reference that was lost on the crew. "It looks..." Banjo left the Bridge Crew hanging "like we have arrived!" he ended, with a smirk. "Who do we contact down there," Banjo asked, over the boos from everyone else. "Linnea gave us comm frequencies," M'Dral replied. "Comm channel open." "This is Commander Banjo of the Federation Starship Menagerie..." "What do you want, Federation?" came the rather unpleasant answer from the planet. "We have returned the HooLooVoo, Cerulean, for your special meeting of the Primaries!" Banjo shot back. "Oh!" the planetside voice seemed to be caught by surprise. "Well, thank you. I'll go tell Limpkin that he's off duty!. The HooLooVoo can shuttle down, anytime. Spectra - out!" "Limpkin?" Banjo repeated, confused. "Remember? Every Spectran that leaves is replaced by a person. I guess when the Spectran returns, that person is off duty," Dil thought out loud. "OK, that makes sense. But why did he think we'd use a shuttle to get Cerulean to the surface? Wouldn't a transporter be quicker?" M'Dral asked. "And how do you propose to beam someone who is not made up of matter or energy?" Gisech asked. "Yeah, that would be kinda difficult," M'Dral agreed, after considering the problem for a moment. "M'Dral, you have the Bridge," Banjo said, standing. "Dil, you're with me." "What about me?" Gisech asked. "I thought you and Captain Seetamyn had a big debate scheduled for later this afternoon?" Banjo responded. "Oh, that's right!" Gisech said, smacking his forehead. "Well at least take H'uee with you!" "I appreciate your concern, Gisech, but I think I can handle the dangers presented by a planet where nobody can touch you!" Banjo answered. "What about the 'replacements'?" Gisech, demanded. "You heard the comm. With all of the Spectrans returning, the replacements are off duty. I doubt that they represent any threat." Dil and Banjo left the Bridge and headed for Shuttlebay One. Lieutenant Hirthnole had already readied the Maurice Sendak for the away team. Linnea, Jantoo and Ustrano met the pair from the Bridge, there, with the excitedly pulsing tint that was Cerulean hovering above them. The team launched and glided through the dazzlingly bright shell surrounding the planet. Minutes later, they had settled onto the surface of Spectra, itself and they stepped out into a fairyland, the likes of which they had never imagined! The first thing (and the second thing, and the third thing, and, pretty much everything) that they noticed was the color! The surface of Spectra was dappled in every hue imaginable! The refractive properties of the prismatic shell scattered blobs, blotches, spots, and bands of color everywhere! It was like being inside of a giant kaleidoscope! With astonishment, the four Starfleeters marvelled at the colorful changes in their uniforms and in their own coloration. Linnea stood back and allowed her friends to experience the wonder for the first time, on their own. She had been to Spectra on many occassions and never failed to be delighted by her visits. Eventually the party turned their attention outward and saw The Building. As the only structure on the planet, it deserved the capital letter. The Building had been constructed to house the replacements, the Orions who had come to Spectra to replace a Spectran who had been contracted to work for Linnea's family. It was a self-contained apartment building, entertainment complex, shopping area and social hall, all rolled into one. Linnea had explained that, due to the fractured spectral illumination, standard solar panels were only about 20% effective. Therefore, replicator power was very limited. The replacements generally cooked for themsleves or, occassionaly, the entire community would get together for a barbecue or other such gathering. Lusiphen, never one to let an opportunity to acquire more latinum pass by, had sold exclusive rights to several distributors so that only THEIR products would be available to the replacements. Therefore, there was only one kind of frozen dinner, one kind of pizza, one variety of candy, one soft drink etc. available on the planet. Fortunately, Lusiphen wasn't a completely heartless man and he had ensured that those single products were all of the very highest quality and taste. Being a replacement was a pretty boring job, but it was comfortable, safe and it paid quite well. There was always plenty of competition for the ten to twelve replacement positions that were generally available. The one thing that seemed to be absent was any Spectrans. In fact, Cerulean had flitted away as soon as the runabout had landed. Linnea just laughed at their concerns, "Exactly how many Spectrans did you think to see?" she asked. "I don't know," Dil admitted. "Maybe a few dozen or so." Linnea laughed harder, "In the first place," she explained, "The Building is considered 'off limits' to Spectrans. Its a place where the replacemenst can get away from their duties and relax. In the second place, there are only 100 Spectrans in total!" "100!" Banjo gasped. "That's it?" "Now you see why a few trying to break tradition and set up a new family cause so much concern. The allotments are based on very precise numbers. Last time I was here it was just three Spectrans who were causing trouble; Magenta, Cerise and Fuchsia, if I recall, correctly." "Can you explain that, further," Banjo asked. "Maybe if we can figure out who has something to gain from this, we'll be able to put a stop to it." "Sure," Linnea agreed. "Let's head over there." She pointed to a lovely courtyard, just outside The Building. The courtyard was filled with a variety of lovely plants from all across the Quadrant. The plants seemed to thrive in the dappled colors of Spectran and presented a remarkable landscape. "This courtyard was created and is maintained by Limpkin, Cerulean's replace- ment." Linnea explained, to the crew's question. "He is really quite the accomplished amateur botanist!" "I'll say," agreed Ustrano. "I recognize planets from over 50 different planets!" The five took seats around a small fountain. A table in front of the fountain held a small bowl of hard candy. Linnea confirmed that this was the only candy allowed on the planet. Dil and Banjo each tried a piece, unwrapping the mints from their protective red cellophane wrappings. They made approving sounds as they tasted the treats. Everyone else just sat back, admiring the gorgeous plants for a bit before Linnea resumed her analysis, "The HooLooVoos and the HedLedVeds are the two most numerous families," she started, "with the HoeLoeVoes close behind." "Wait a minute!" Jantoo interrupted. "That's a mouthful! Can't you just call them 'Blues', 'Reds' and 'Yellows'?" "I suppose so," Linnea considered. "We've just always called them by what they call themselves." She shrugged, "OK - we have the Blues, with twenty members, and the Reds with the same number. The Yellows have 18 members, making them the smallest of the Primaries. The Greens and the Purples each have eleven members, but the Secondary family with the most members is the Oranges, with twelve. Finally, eight Browns make up the Minors. The splinter group, the Pinks is made up of Cerise, from the Reds, and Magenta and Fuchsia, from the Purples. This leaves the Reds weaker than the Blues, and drops the Purples to nearly the same level as the Browns. The Pinks would be the lowest level, so it seems insane that they would even consider this, but insanity and politics aren't, necessarily, mutually exclusive!" "I don't see how that helps anyone," Dil admitted. "Sure the Blues would then have the highest percentage of any family, but it wouldn't be higher than it was before." "Actually," Linnea considered as she bounced numbers around in her head, "it helps the Blues considerably." "How," Ustrano wanted to know. "Well, the Blues have long wanted to get a 10% bonus on allotments, since they are the ones who made the initial deals with my family and since they are the ones who are most often contracted with. So far the allotments have been divided up as, 60% for Primaries, 35% for Secondaries and 5% for the Browns. If the Pinks get their way, they would change the split to 50% for Primaries and 50% for everyone else. The Blues would go along if they could increase their bonus to 10%. That would boost the Blues from 25% to ummm 27.5%. Wow! The Greens would actually end up with more than the Yellows or the Reds!" "How would it help the Pinks?" Banjo wondered. Linnea, since she was the only one familiar with the arcane mathematics of Spectran allotment politics, did some more mental calculations, "The Pinks would end up with about 3.5%. Which would be .167% more for Cerise and .067% more for each Magenta and Fuchsia." "That's not much," protested Dil. "No," agreed Linnea, "but it IS more. The biggset winners would be the Browns! Their allotment would almost double! But they couldn't be smart enough to pull this off! It must be one of the other winners! Those would be, let's see, they would be the Blues, who would get a 2.5% boost and the Greens with a 1.8% boost." "So, our real /agents provocateur/ must be either Greens or Blues," decided Banjo. "That makes sense," Linnea agreed. "I guess we should start with the Blues, then." "Why them?" Banjo asked. "Because Cerulean already invited us to meet his family," Linnea explained. "In fact, if we hurry to The Pinnacle, we can probably meet the whole Tri-Three!" The five quickly walked back to the runabout, Banjo and Dil depositing the now-crinkled cellophane from their candies in a convenient trashcan. Several other such cans were scattered throughout The Building and its surroundings. The Building included a small, automated waste processing plant and litter and garbage were quickly and efficiently disposed of, nearly immediately. The planet of colors would remain beautiful, unmarred by the carelessness, sloth or stupidity of humanoids. The Pinnacle turned out to be the meeting place for the Tri-Three. It was a plateau, high above the mostly flat surface of Spectra. The group used the Maurice Sendak's transporters to beam up and arrived just as the meeting of the Tri-Three was breaking up. There were considerably more than nine Spectrans present and Linnea explained that the sessions were open to all, but only the Tri-Three, themselves, could vote on issues. Cerulean spotted his friends and flitted on over, excitedly flashing darker and lighter. Apparently the meeting had been a bit tense. "Please meet some of my family," he invited, gliding back towards the left side of the plateau. "This is Cyan, Navy, Sapphire and Baby." Each of the other HooLooVoos pulsed as it was introduced, happy to meet their family member's friends. It wasn't long before another HooLooVoo drifted over, pulsing strongly, he approached the Starfleeters, "I am Azure," it said. "You certainly are!" Dil replied. "No, that is my name!" the HooLooVoo responded as though it had had this conversation, before. "Ah! I see! Its very descriptive! I am Dil Mantron." "I have no idea what 'Mantron' is, but 'Dil'... you are some sort of pickle?' Azure asked, looking over the Helmsman. "No, sorry. Humanoid names aren't necessarily very descriptive of a person, they are used more like a label," Dil explained. "Sounds very confusing," Azure opined. "Well, on this planet, I'm sure that you're the only Azure," Dil tried to explain, "but across the Quadrant there are, probably, thousands of 'Dil's." "Ah, so it is confusing AND ineffectual," Azure decided. Linnea came to Dil's rescue, "Don't let the big guy fool you, hon. He's had more dealings with us than anyone. He's just kidding you!" Dil noticed a sort of quivering passing through the body of the HooLooVoo. Suddenly he realized that it was laughing! Grinning ruefully, Dil had to admit that the Spectran had fooled him, completely. Azure regained his composure and took the group around to meet the rest of the Tri-Three. Mustard, Citrine and Canary were first and the HoeLoeVoes politely welcomed the humanoids (and the Velvattian). Next, Azure drifted over to the HedLedVed contingent, where an argument seemed to be in progress. Everyone seemed to be very angry, although that may have been a false impression caused by these Spectrans being Red. Suddenly the argument seemed to stop and one of the HedLedVeds spun away. Azure introduced the remaining three as, Crimson, Ruby and Carmine. Crimson was curt but polite, he seemed disturbed by the departure of the other HedLedVed. As the group walked away, Banjo asked Azure, "Who was that who left?" "Oh, that was Scarlet," the HooLooVoo answered as though that explained everything. "She's always been a bit of a hothead," he offered, realizing that the Starfleeters had no idea who she was. Azure drifted over to a group of Purple, Green and Orange Spectrans, next. He introduced Emerald, Lilac and Kumquat, the Three of Twos and several of their families. Everyone was quite cordial but it was plain that they were all worried about the possible splintering of the Pinks. Azure finally said his farewells and the team beamed back to the Maurice Sendak. "We didn't see any Browns," Banjo suddenly realized. "They don't attend the Tri-Three meetings, much," Linnea informed him. "Since they have so much to gain, I think we should talk to them," Banjo decided. "I'm telling you, they couldn't pull this off," Linnea argued. "They're not the brightest crayons in the box!" "Still, we should cover all bases," Banjo decided. "OK, after lunch I'll take you to Sepiaville." "'Sepiaville'?" Banjo echoed incredulously. "You'll see," Linnea promised. Banjo did, as Linnea had predicted, see. Linnea had the runabout beam them to a spot a couple of kilometers from The Pinnacle. Here, for reasons not understood, the confluences of hundreds of the prismatic particles surrounding the planet combined to produce, not the colorful spectacle that the team had seen elsewhere, but a muddy, brown, monotone area. The name 'Sepiaville' certainly fit the place, as everything was brown. Too many colors combined in this area, washing out each of them and leaving this rather depressing-looking area. The inhabitants, however, were anything but depressed. "Hey! How ya doin'" a disturbingly brown Spectran greeted the new arrivals. Soon, all eight of the planet's HownLownVowns had appeared, gathering around the away team in greeting. Eight voices all babbled at once and it was soon apparent that the Browns didn't get much company. The seven newcomers introduced themselves as Tan, Dun, Beige, Chocolate, Camel, Rootbeer and Jacobean. The HownLownVown who had initially greeted the team turned out to be named Caramel, but, "Just call me 'Mel'" the Spectran begged. "Been awhile since anyone visited us down here," Mel admitted. "Used to be we were on the top of everybody's want list, but with this crisis, we was all recalled." "There are a lot of you employed, off planet?" Banjo asked. "Well, two of us," Mel admitted, "but that's nearly twenty percent!" "Wha, what do you do," Banjo asked, ignoring the math error. "Why we're huge in sports!" Mel announced. "Sports!?" Dil gasped. "But you can't touch anything! How can you be in sports?" "Well, we don't /play/, do we," Mel confirmed. "But we're big time stuff in broadcasting!" "Broadcasting?" Banjo, Dil and Ustrano all chimed in, together. "Oh sure!" Mel confirmed. "We might not be much good at analysis but we're the best when it comes to /color commentary/!" The whole group of Browns quivered in laughter as Banjo, Dil and Ustrano just stood there, mentally berating themselves for getting drawn into what was obviously the family's oldest and best loved joke. Linnea and Jantoo stood off to the side laughing at the expressions on their boyfriends' faces. Realizing that Linnea was right, these eight were harmless, they decided to leave. The Browns, desparate for the company, begged their new friends to stay; "We'll give you the grand tour - with lots of /colorful/ descriptions!" "We won't tell no off /color/ jokes!" "C'mon! We're really /colorful/ characters!" The beamout happened just in time. The team was being pun-nelled to death! The team spent that 'night' on board the runabout. Since there really wasn't any night on Spectra, with the prismatic particles distributing the light from the planet's sun and three moons equally across the entire planet at all times, days and nights had been artificially created to allow the replacements a somewhat normal lifestyle. The Building had blackout curtains in each of the apartments to allow darkness for those who couldn't sleep with the lights on. Early in the relationship between the Spectrans and the Orions, it had been commonplace to have the replacements gather in the community movie theater each evening to watch horror movies. This, it had been hoped, would encourage the replacements to /want/ to have light during the 'night', but eventually the blackout curtains had been settled on as the best solution. The next morning, the team moved out to interview more Spectrans. There wasn't much time left. The last of the off-world Spectrans would be returning later that day. Before setting off, Dil and Banjo swung by The Building to each get a pocketful of the mints that they had sampled, yesterday. The replacements were happy to share with the Starfleeters (well, after it was discovered that Banjo had had the foresight to use the runabout's replicator to make a big bag of gummi bears, anyway), and the two went away with at least a day's supply of the candy. Carefully despositing the wrappers in the appropriate receptacles, the two hurried back to join the girls and Ustrano. Then they all beamed out to The Pinnacle. The Tri-Three was back in session. The Tri-Three debate had raged back and forth for hours. Oddly enough, the HooLooVoos, being the family with the most to gain, had removed themselves from the arguments and just hovered around, observing. It was, easily, the most civilized confrontation that the crew had ever witnessed. Of course, physical violence was completely out of the question, so that may have kept the edge off of the proceedings. Just after what everyone's chronometers assured them was lunchtime, the last HooLooVoo arrived. Royal joined his family on The Pinnacle and the debate continued. But not for long! Suddenly, with a loud bang, something shot out of The Building. It appeared to be a rocket of some kind, and it was headed straight up! It was soon lost to sight and everyone wondered what it had been. Their unasked question was soon answered. The multicolored light that bathed the planet soon began to change. The dazzling rainbow from the prismatic particles was being replaced! Replaced with a red tint! Looking as though someone had dipped the planet in a glass of cherry Kool Aide, the colorful landscape bled away. "ARRRGHHHHH!" "THE PAIN!" "MAKE IT STOP!" The Spectrans seemed to be in great pain, all except the HedLedVeds! And one particular Red, especially! "I've done it! I've done it!" shouted Scarlet joyfully. "I've done away with all the other colors! Red shall rule by day's end!" "What insanity is this, Scarlet?" Linnea demanded. "Watch your tongue, replacement!" Scarlet snarled. "I feel powerful enough to stomp you, flat!" The HedLedVed suddenly realized what she had said, "I feel!?" I FEEL! Hahahahahahahahaha! I never expected this! I FEEEEEL!" "Yeah, well feel this!" Linnea hauled off and smacked the Red right where her nose would have been, if the HedLedVed had actually had a nose. "OW! That hurt! I can feel pain!" Scarlet bellowed. "Oh, I am sooooo happy to hear that. Get ready to feel a whole bunch of it!" Linnea grinned, rolling up her sleeves. While Linnea was getting ready to take on Scarlet, Jantoo was trying to give aid to the stricten Spectrans. There was, however, little she could do - Spectrans not having any mass and all that. Ustrano and Banjo were on the comm to the Menagerie. "Some sort of red film has been dispersed over the planet," B1 & B2 reported. "It seems to be mixing with the prismatic particulate material and completely altering the wavelengths of the transmitted light." "It's killing the Spectrans!" Banjo reported. "We have to find out some way to get rid of it!" "What can we do? We can't just remove the new film from the particles!" "What, exactly, is that stuff. Maybe if we know what it is, we'll be able to come up with a way to combat it," Ustrano offered. "Analysis coming through, now," the Bynars sang. "It appears to be very tiny bits of red cellophane?" "Red cellophane!?" Banjo, Dil and Ustrano shouted. It was tiny pieces of the candy wrappers! "But how could that happen?" Dil asked. "No time to worry about that now," Ustrano decided. "B1 & B2, search all the historical databases! We must counteract this immediately! If you find anything even remotely possible, act on it at once! Don't waste time getting approval. We'll see what we can do down here. Ustrano out!" "Dil," the Velvattian decided, turning to the Helmsman, "we need to get back to the Maurice Sendak right now!" The pair beamed back and Banjo turned his attention back to The Pinnacle. Jantoo was sitting by helplessly, there was nothing she could do to ease the suffering of the Spectrans. Linnea was knocking Scarlet around ferociously, in a very one sided fight. It wasn't like the HedLedVed even had arms to fight back! <> Banjo thought. <> Just then the sounds of fists and feet hitting a solidified color were overwhelmed by a 'whoosh' of displaced air as the Maurice Sendak appeared, overhead. Taking up a position about 50 meters above the center of The Pinnacle, the runabout suddenly flooded the plateau with clean, white light! The effects of this were rather spectacular. First off, Linnea fell right on her rump as the flying kick she was expecting to hit Scarlet with met no resistance. Perhaps even more importantly, the HooLooVoos, HowLoeVoes, HeenLeenVeens, HpleLpleVples and HngeLngeVnges all returned to normal. Ustrano beamed back down, "We're blocking the red light and using the runabout's external lights to provide all of you a safe haven. I'm going to beam over some portable lights to Sepiaville and try to save the Browns. For now, everyone stay here. We'll just have to wait for the Menagerie to come up with a solution!" and he sparkled back away. With a scream of rage, Scarlet flew away from the plateau. Once she was away from the protective screening effect of the runabout, she found her strength and solidity returning. This time it was with a scream of triumph that she flew over the top of the Maurice Sendak and started whacking into the ship! Banjo decided that he had had enough of the treacherous HedLedVed and took out his phaser. Aiming carefully, he caught Scarlet dead center and the now stunned Spectran dropped to the plateau. "Well, I've heard that red can be a stunning color, but this is just ridiculous!" Jantoo said, moving over to join Banjo who kept his phaser trained on the unmoving color as he tried not to groan at the doctor's joke. "Dil," Linnea said over her commbadge as she regained her feet, rubbing her bruised buttocks, "beam me over to The Building. Scarlet must have had assistance from one of the replacements! I mean to find out who!" Banjo tossed the Orion his phaser as she dematerialized. Linnea popped back, just outside The Building. All of the replacements were outside, staring up at the sky in wonder. Then Linnea realized that not /all/ of the replacements were actually present. One was missing! Holding her phaser at the ready, Linnea dashed into The Building. She quickly swept through the rooms inside, not finding anyone. Perplexed, she made her way back outside where a movement caught her attention. In the courtyard a man was excitedly dancing about! Making her way over, Linnea was stunned to recognize Limpkin! "Look! Look!" he cried in joy. "Its growing!" Linnea followed his gaze to find a small shrub growing in a fancy, glazed pot. It certainly did seem to be growing as tiny leaf buds formed before her eyes. "You helped Scarlet?" she asked incredulously. "Yep!" affirmed Limpkin, still dancing excitedly. "But why?" Linnea wanted to know. "For this plant!" Limpkin explained, as though it should have been obvious. "What, you threw the planet's entire political system into chaos and disrupted who knows how many contracts for a plant?" "This is Synsepalum rubrifolium!" the botanist answered, as though that explained the entire matter. "Besides, what do we care who's in charge? Blue, Red, Green? What difference does it make?" Linnea was about to explain what difference it made when the sky suddenly started to lighten. The red tint was slowly fading and the glorious clors of Spectra were re-appearing. Limpkin cried out in anguish and Linnea looked down to see his plant slowly withering. With a sudden pang of empathy, she tapped her commbadge, "Menagerie. Is there any spot on the planet where red is the naturally predominant color?" "Affirmative," came the answer from M'Dral, moments later. "There is such a spot about 38 kilometers from your current location." With a shout Limpkin picked up his shrub. His eyes pleaded with Linnea. "Two to beam to that spot. At your convenience. Linnea - out." Moments later the two Orions and the strange plant disappeared from view. Captain's Log; Stardate 58170.6 - Well, it appears that the crisis on Spectra was set up by one of the HedLedVed. She had manipulated the situatuion with the HinkLinkVinks to gather all of the Spectrans together so that she could transform them all into HedLedVeds. She says that she hadn't realized that the plan would actually destroy the other Spectrans and she may even be telling the truth. That is a matter for the Tri-Three to determine. Things seem to have resolved themselves, satisfactorily, however, and are returning to normal. There do appear to be a couple of loose ends, still. Perhaps these will sort themselves out. "It must have taken years to set this up," Linnea said to Limkpin. The two were in the 'red zone' where Limpkin had set up a very elaborate watering system for his Synsepalum rubrifolium. "Yes," Limpkin acknowledged. "We had to get my brother set up to produce the mints with the special wrappings. Then he had to make sure he won the candy franchise bid from Lusiphen." "But what could Scarlet offer you in return?" Linnea asked, puzzled. "Scarlet?" Limpkin laughed, "She was just a side effect. The real reason was for this plant!" he said, beaming at his prize. Linnea just shook her head at the madness of obsessions. "OK Limpkin," Linnea said. "We have set up one of the Orion shuttles in orbit. It will respond to this commbadge," she continued, handing over the badge. "You can use it to beam to the Synsepalum and back here and we have even left the replicator active so that you can eat up in it, if you want to. The engines and long-range comm system have been deactivated. Your punishment for your part in all of this is to remain here, for the rest of your life, caring for the courtyard and the other plants." The eagerness on the Orion's face was like a shining light. Spending the remainder of his life caring for his plants sounded just fine to him! Seeing that she had done what had been needed, Linnea beamed back to the runabout. Ustrano, Jantoo, Dil and Banjo would be accompanying her for the next part of today's activities. The five beamed back down to The Pinnacle. The entire population of Spectrans was already there. Also present was a strange device that Ustrano had set up for this occassion. Scarlet drifted alone, shunned by her own people. Today was the day of her punishment. Her trial had already been held and she had been found guilty of the most heinous crime of all - tampering with light, itself! So terrible had the crime been that a new punishment had needed to be devised. Normal punishments were generally along the lines of reduced allotments, but today's ceremony would be very special. A replacement was needed to carry out the punishment and, due to her long association with the Spectrans, Linnea had been picked. At the appointed time, Linnea stepped forward, towards Ustrano's device, "Do you have any last words?" she asked the HedLedVed. "I didn't know it would hurt anyone," she repeated for at least the twentieth time. Her statement didn't arouse any sympathy from the Spectrans or from Linnea, "Frankly, Scarlet, I don't give a damn!" Linnea said, and activated Ustrano's gadget. Complex patterns of light shot out, all around the HedLedVed. Then, gears engaged, shafts spun and a highly intricate series of mirrors swiveled, reflecting the essense of Scarlet into a waiting wedge of crystal. Soon it was all over, the criminal trapped within the wedge, "I hereby sentence you to prism!" Linnea solemnly intoned, the punishment carried out. The Spectrans looked on, not with joy or vengeance, but with satisfaction. Afterwards, they each drifted by Linnea to thank her for her part in carrying out the sentence. The last one to stop by was Cerulean, "I must tell you that I won't be returning with you," he said, sadly. "Oh no!" Linnea cried. "But why?" "We are suspending all contracts and sending home all the replacements, except for that Limpkin fellow, while we re-evaluate the wisdom of that arrangement." "But you'll have no more vids or music," argued Linnea. "And no chance to be exterminated, either," Cerulean countered. "Well, yeah, I can see where that might be a little uncomfortable," Linnea admitted. "Please thank your father for all he has tried to do for us. And thank you," Cerulean stood by Linnea for a short time. "Cerulean," Linnea said, hesitantly, "if you ever need anything. Just call me and I'll be there." "The same goes for me," he promised and then drifted off to parts unknown. Dil came over and hugged Linnea, "Everything OK, hon,"he asked gently. "I just ddidn't think he'd leave," she admitted. "I've known him since I was maybe eight years old. He's just always been there for me." "Maybe he realized that you're all grown up, now," Dil guessed. "Maybe, but then why do I feel like crying?" The evening, The Pirate's Cove was a bit more chaotic than normal. With Cerulean deciding to stay on Spectra, Todd had been made Maitre'd and he was still getting into the swing of things. The Command Staff, were all seated at their usual table as the away team tried to describe the beautiful colors of Spectra. "Amazing to think that it was almost all destroyed because of Limpkin and that stupid plant," Linnea shook her head. "Actually, if that plant was really Synsepalum rubrifolium, it is the rarest plant in the entire Quadrant," Ustrano informed them. "Fruit from it fetches huge amounts of latinum!" "What!?" Linnea cried. "I thought he just liked the plant! Not that he was going to be making money off of it!" "What makes it so special?" Dil asked. "The plant was developed on a botanical research station around Teegarden's Star, a red dwarf star not all that far from Earth, from an Earth plant named Synsepalum dulcificum. Now, S. dulcificum, is all by itself, one of the most unusual plants you will find anyplace. The fruits of the plant contain a pretty much unique chemical compound that, if you eat it, completely neutralizes the sour taste buds in your mouth." "What does that mean?" Dil asked. "Simply put, if you eat a fruit of S. dulcificum, what the Humans call 'Miracle Fruit', you won't taste anything sour for the next twenty minutes or so. You ever have lemonade?" The table admitted that they had. "Well, imagine that, with only the sweet part of the taste." There was silence as the personnel around the table tried to do that. "OK, "Banjo said, finally, "but what about that plant on Spectra?" "Ahhh," Ustrano answered, "S. rubrifolium. It is even more remarkable! If you eat from the fruit of S. rubrifolium, anything you eat afterwards will taste like your most favorite food in the world! You could eat a plateful of mud and find it the most delicious thing you ever put in your mouth!" This touched off a debate as to whether or not this would be a good thing. Finally, the conversation turned to the methods that had been used to save the planet. "Well when we found out what to use, we had to figure out on a way to disperse it, effectively," M'Dral was saying. "Finally Hirthnole just decided to use the old dispersal program that we had used over Bouffant. Worked like a charm." That was good thinking, Hirthnole," complimented Ustrano, "but what /was/ it that you used?" "Well, we were all stumped!" admitted M'Dral. "We didn't have a clue as to what might work. Seetamyn had the Astrophysics Department working and Gisech was digging through the natural history files to see if there was any sort of radiation or something. But is was the Killer Bs who finally solved the problem!" "It was nothing," the pair modestly replied. "But what WAS it?" everyone demanded. "Oh, it was an old, twentieth century Terrestrial product," they admitted. "You're kidding!" Banjo was amazed. "What was it called?" "The database reported that is was called 'Visine'," they revealed. "Well, it certainly worked. But what gave you the idea to try it," Ustrano wanted to know. "Well, the product literature promised that 'It gets the red out!' so it seemed to be tailor made for the job!" "I'm truly amazed that Earthlings of that time would have come up with a solution for a problem like this," Banjo marvelled. "Truly," agreed Ustrano. The crew then raised their glasses and toasted to Human ingenuity! Next Time: An accidental trip to the Happy Universe was definately not on the crew's itinerary. Time to fire that travel agent! Will the crew be, "So happy, Together"? Find out February 6th! I welcome Reader Feedback! Please let me know what you've thought of Melting Pot so far, and, in particular this story! Contact me at: meltingpot@khobrah.net