SSSSS t TTTTTTTTTT kk SSSSSSS tt TTTTTTTTTT kk SS SSS tt TT kk SS SS ttttt aaaaa rr rr TT rr rr aaaaa kk kk sssss :: SSSS ttttt aaaaaaa rrrrr TT rrrrr aaaaaaa kk kk sssssss :: SSSSSS tt aa aa rrr TT rrr aa aa kk kk ss ss SSSSS tt aaaa rr TT rr aaaa kkkkk ssss SSS tt aaaaaa rr TT rr aaaaaa kkkkk sssss SS SS tt aaa aa rr TT rr aaa aa kkk kk ssss SSS SSS tt aa aa rr TT rr aa aa kk kk ss ss SSSSSSS tttt aaaaaaa rr TT rr aaaaaaa kk kk sssssss :: SSSSS ttt aaaa aa rr TT rr aaaa aa kk kk sssss :: MMM MMM ll t ii MMM MMM ll tt ii MMMM MMMM ll tt MMMM MMMM eee ll ttttt ii nn nnnn ggg gg MM M M MM eeeee ll ttttt ii nnnnnnnn ggggggg MM MM MM MM ee ee ll tt ii nnn nn ggg ggg MM MM MM MM eeeeeee ll tt ii nn nn gg gg MM MM MM MM eeeeeee ll tt ii nn nn gg gg MM MMM MM ee ll tt ii nn nn gg gg MM MMM MM eee ee ll tt ii nn nn ggg ggg MM MMM MM eeeee ll tttt ii nn nn ggggggg MM M MM eee ll ttt ii nn nn ggg gg gg gg gggggggg gggggg PPPPPPP t PPPPPPPP tt PP PPP tt PP PP oooo ttttt PP PPP oooooo ttttt PPPPPPPP ooo ooo tt PPPPPPP oo oo tt PP oo oo tt PP oo oo tt PP ooo ooo tt PP oooooo tttt PP oooo ttt Star Traks: Melting Pot is based on Alan Decker's Star Traks, which in turn is based on Star Trek, created by Gene Roddenberry, may he rest in peace. Welcome to the Second Season of Melting Pot - who'da thunkit? Copyright 2005. "Inlaw Blues" by Paul Cloutier Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. H. L. Mencken First Officer's Log; Stardate 57929.1 - Aceed and I have been allowed to go on extended medical leave to allow me time to heal from the injuries the Black Queen inflicted on me. We are currently headed for Alpha Sauria IV where Aceed's family has extensive estates and, so I'm told, some of the most beautiful vineyards in the entire Alpha Quadrant. I must admit that I am somewhat nervous about the prospect of meeting Aceed's parents. As part of the servant class, my family hasn't been allowed to pick their mates for generations. Our marriages are arranged by our masters, usually as some sort of clause attached to a business contract. I hope I can make a good impression. "Don't you worry about anything, hon," Aceed Sperr assured Thog as they made their way ever closer to the Alpha Sauria system. "Everything will be just fine. I'm sure everyone will just love you!" Thog, sharing not even a smidgen of Sperr's confidence, chose to worry, in spite of her lover's assurances. After all, worrying had always served her well in the past, so who was she to knock a good thing? Ah well, she couldn't do anything to alter anyone's opinion of her until she had met them, anyway, so Sperr was, most probably, right. Besides, she could always worry later, if need be. Sperr brought the Runabout David Attenborough down through the clouds that surrounded Alpha Sauria IV. Since the planet's surface was over 75% water, there were always clouds. Sperr's parents' home was located on the main continent, in fact, their holdings WERE the main continent! The land masses that made up Alpha Sauria's surface were composed of islands. Nearly 300 islands made up the planet's entire dry land. The largest continent/island, was named Glubbdubdrib, and contained the Sperr family vineyards, estate and main administration buildings. Distilleries were located on several surrounding islands and a shipping center was nearby. The family estate consisted of nearly 100 acres of park-like lawns, fountains, arbors and gardens, centered around a palatial building, constructed of what appeared to be glowing, white marble. A cleverly concealed vehicle hanger opened up from beneath the ground of one of the lawns, and Aceed brought the David Attenborough in for a landing. After securing the runabout, Aceed made his way to the main cabin where he awakened Thog, who had been napping. After she had shaken the sleep out of her eyes, the pair made their way out of the ship into the underground hanger. Waiting in the hanger bay was a pair of Saurians. Thog assumed that they were Aceed's parents, but, since Saurians had no body hair and were naturally, quite wrinkly, she couldn't be certain. "Young master Aceed! So good to see you again! Your mother and father await the pleasure of your company on the green veranda, at your earliest convenience. Welcome home, sir!" the male of the pair spoke, erasing the possibility that these were, in fact, Mr. and Mrs. Sperr. "Mithflop!" Aceed shouted, rushing over to give the, apparently, old man a huge bearhug. Noticing the woman next to Mithflop, Aceed jumped over to her and gave her a hug, too, "Kerlerpalop!" So caught up in the excitement of meeting old friends, Aceed nearly forgot about Thog, until a subtle cough from Mithflop reminded him. "Mithflop, Kerlerpalop I'd like to introduce you to my girlfriend, Thog. Thog, this is Mithflop, my old private valet and this is Kerlerpalop, one of our assistant cooks." Mithflop and Kerlerpalop started laughing, bringing a puzzled look to Aceed's face. "Sorry to laugh, young master, but I am now the Chief Butler," Mithflop explained, "and Kerlerpalop is Chief Cook! You have, after all been away for some time!" "But what of old Terterian and Mugmugwan?" Aceed asked, with real concern in his voice. "Ah! They retired, together, and got married four years ago!" Kerlerpalop informed Aceed. "Married!" the stunned Shuttlebay Chief gasped. "I never even knew they were an item!" "Well, they worked together, keeping the house in order, for over thirty years! You might say that they had been 'married' all along!" Kerlerpalop offered. "Speaking of which... I must say, it is a pleasure to finally meet you," Mithflop came over to Thog and bowed, slightly, in front of her. "I must say that young master Aceed has told us quite a good deal about you!" "Oh, yes!" chimed in Kerlerpalop, "we've imported some fresh Targ meat and Blood Wine and all sorts of specialalities for you! I believe Master Rillion even has a certain surprise set up for you, later this week!" It was clear that the woman loved to gossip and could barely contain her excitement. Mithflop 'shushed' her as the house servants escorted the Starfleet officers down the corridor that connected the hanger bay to the house proper. Once the quartet exited the corridor, the servants veered off, taking Thog and Aceed's meager luggage to their suite. A special suite had been set up with medical equipment to help speed Thog's recovery. Aceed led Thog toward the south wing of the house, apparently toward the 'green veranda'. "Just how many verandas does this place have?" Thog asked, half-jokingly. Sperr was quiet for far too long and Thog feared that she had, somehow, offended him. She tried to think of something to say that would correct her unwitting faux pas, when, suddenly, Sperr spoke up, "106!" he said. "Wha-what?" Thog stammered. "The number of verandas. I was counting them," Sperr smiled. "This house has 106 verandas?!" Thog gasped, flabbergasted. "Well, if you don't count the balconies and the roof gardens, yes," Sperr said, enjoying the shocked look on Thog's face. "Hon, you have to realize... all of this stuff... all of these things. They are just a part of me, like a finger or a nose hair. They have no special meanings in and of themselves. I've become so used to duty on a starship that even I feel out of place here - and I grew up here!. So just relax, OK?" "I'll try, Aceed. I'll really try," Thog said, trying her best to smile as the trip to the 'green veranda' stretched on and on. Finally, after over 40 minutes of walking, the couple arrived on a veranda which could easily be described as 'green.' Beautiful, rich, forest-green marble covered the floor while exquisitely bright green tile adorned the walls. Topiary shrubs stood guard along the moss-covered railing, which overlooked gracefully rolling hills that stretched all the way to the water, far in the distance. Two Saurians were sitting on a bench as the Starfleeters walked onto the veranda and they quickly got to their feet and came over to greet them. Aceed rushed to them as well and the three embraced. After several long moments of hugging, Aceed broke away and led his parents over to Thog. "Mother, father," he said, "this is Thog. Hon, these are my parents, Mershia and Rillion." Thog found herself embraced by the two Saurians and at a loss as to how to respond. Emotional displays were not commonplace among Klingons and Thog's upbringing had been exceedingly sparse on parental involvement. Mershia and Rillion, soon sensing her discomfort, ended their embrace and took a step back to look over their son's prospective suitor. Rillion seemed to at least be receptive to the idea of having Thog as part of the family but Thog could tell that Mershia seriously disapproved, although she took pains to hide her disfavor from both Thog and Aceed. Thog, however, had seen that look countless times before and could spot it easily. <> she thought to herself, <> The two couples chatted amongst themselves for a time, but Thog felt decidedly left out. Rillion and Aceed discussed crop yields, soil acidity and fruit sucrose content, and might just as well have been speaking in Ancient Greek as far as Thog was concerned. Mershia tried to engage Thog in discussions concerning the household staff but Thog started loosing track after Mershia had named twenty different servants in quick succession. Finally, Aceed took note of Thog's discomfort and asked that they be shown their rooms so that they could rest after their long voyage to Alpha Sauria IV. Nodding their understanding, Aceed's parents summoned Mithflop and instructed him to escort the pair to the 'turquoise suite.' After another long journey through the huge house, Mithflop finally stopped before a set of ornate double doors. Throwing open the doors, he revealed a spacious set of rooms (Thog would later find out that there were eight of them) tastefully decorated in bluish-green hues. The couple's meager luggage had already been delivered and Mithflop was anxious to show off what appeared to be a very recent addition to the room. Making his way to what at first glance seemed to be an elaborate bed he flipped down a panel, revealing various gauges and dials. "This is the newest thing in healing technology!" he announced proudly. "Master Rillion had it set up just yesterday! This NutriMist system will deliver a healing cloud of vitamins, medicines and herbal oils to whomever sleeps in it. We'll have you back to full strength in no time, Miss Thog!" Mithflop seemed inordinately proud of the device. "Oh, they shouldn't have gone to all that trouble just for me," Thog protested. "Oh, don't let it concern you," Mithflop assured her. "See, with the flip of a couple of levers, it converts to a tanning bed!" Aceed thanked the butler and was informed that dinner would be served at 7 o'clock sharp. The couple relaxed on a couch in the suite's sitting room and chatted while they waited for dinnertime. Aceed talked at length about the family's holdings and the distillation of fruit in general. Thog was sure that she would never look at alcoholic beverages the same way again for as long as she lived! Dinner was an elegant affair. Fortunately, Thog had found several evening gowns in her size in one of the room-sized closets in the turquoise suite. She would at least /look/ like she fit in this evening. The dinner consisted of Saurian Fish Flakes. Thog was a little surprised after Kerlerpalop's gossip about special Klingon foods, but she had eaten the Flakes before with Aceed and, so didn't embarrass herself. Sprinkling the flakes over the bowl of water and drinking down the mixture occupied the table's occupants for some time, although, due to the nature of the repast, conversation was sparse. Thog was soon to discover that the lack of conversation during dinner would be more than made up for in the parlour, after-dinner. The couples retired to the parlour (actually, the rose parlour, not to be confused with any of the other 17 parlours) with brandy in hand to have a quiet 'getting to know each other' chat. Thog found out that much of the week had already been planned out. Aceed would spent the next several days with Rillion, touring the vineyards, distilleries and various other holdings and buildings the Sperr family owned. Thog would spend most of that same time resting, sunning herself and healing. Before Thog and Aceed left to return to the Menagerie, there would be a special overnight trip to a tiny island that the family owned as a vacation spot. The only structure on the isle was a small beachhouse. No vineyards or other commercial ventures were on the island, in fact, except for the beachhouse, small private beach and skipper pad, the island was completely wild. Thog was initially going to protest these arrangements when she realized that she really /was/ still very tired and weak from the Black Queen's attack and that the rest would probably do her good. In fact, she decided to retire early and let Aceed catch up with his parents, alone. Excusing herself, she headed back to her suite, escorted by one of the maids, lest she get lost. After Thog had left and was safely out of hearing range, Mershia decided that is was time for Aceed to answer some pointed questions. "She doesn't seem very hearty for a Klingon," she observed. "Mom! She's had nearly every organ in her chest replaced just a few days ago!" Aceed defended his lover. "Well I thought Klingons were supposed to be such great warriors and all," shot back Mershia. "She was defending a shipmate from six enemies when she was, literally, stabbed in the back by the Black Queen!" Aceed explained "Seems like a strange time to be playing that Earth game, what is it called, oh, yes - chess!" "Mom! The Black Queen wasn't a chess piece. She was a huge, snakey monster!" Aceed was glad he would be leaving in the morning with his father. He just hoped that Thog and his mother wouldn't kill each other before he got back! As Aced headed off to bed, his mother tsk, tsked under her breath. Rillion knew better than to say anything at this point, better to let Mershia vent in her own good time. Finally, she managed to put her distaste into words, "He could hardly do worse!" Rillion considered this for several moments before responding, in his customary peacemaker fashion, "Perhaps, but then, she could hardly do better. So it all balances out." Mershia just looked at Rillion with scorn and injured pride in her face, "I can't understand how you could accept that, that SERVANT as your son's girlfriend!" "And I can't understand how you can put anything above your son's happiness," Rillion snapped back, finally fed up with his wife's snobbishness. "I have an early morning, so I'm going to bed!" Rillion walked off quickly before Mershia could come up with a suitably scathing reply. After forty years of marriage, he had finally gotten in the last word! Aceed was awakened the next morning by Thog's screams. Hopping out of his bed he rushed over to the NutriMist bed where Thog had spent the night. When he arrived there, he was greeted by a horrible sight! Thog's entire body was all wrinkly! She looked like an enormous brown raisin! What could have caused this terrifying transfor- mation in his lover? Suddenly, understanding broke through the fog of horror and Aceed began to laugh. Thog, still terrified by her new appearance, looked at him, shocked that he would laugh at her predicament. As he gasped for breath, he tried to explain, "Honey, its just the NutriMist! You've been bathed in fluid all night and your skin has just puckered up. Just like if you had spent too much time in the bathtub!" Thog, understanding finally setting in, joined his laughter. Their laughter was interrupted by the entrance of a tiny Saurian girl. "Excuse me," she said, timidly, "but I have been assigned to Miss Thog. Are you ready to get dressed yet, ma'am?" Thog stared stupidly at the girl until Aceed explained, "She is to be your private maid while I'm gone. Just ask her for anything and she'll take care of it." "But helping me dress?" Thog asked embarrassed. "Don't worry about it, she's just here to make your stay more pleasant." "OK. I'll try," Thog assured Aceed, uncertainly. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and went to get dressed, himself. He would be leaving with Rillion shortly. Thog was bored. No, that wasn't a sufficient description of the incredible depth of the repetitious monotony that she had endured for the past four days. She woke up every morning in the NutriMist bed, her skin pruny and moist. Her personal maid would braid her hair, brush her teeth and help her get dressed in a dressing gown. She would eat a light breakfast of fruit and tea and then the two would go to the dressing room (yes, the rich had special rooms to get dressed in and special clothing to wear while they were waiting to get dressed!) where Thog would fight her embarrassment at being helped into a skimpy swimsuit! She would then spend about 2 hours on the turquoise suite's private veranda, sunning herself. Then, back into the suite for a shower, another dressing gown, and then another dressing into a light sundress. She would then walk (saunter, really) around one of the rose gardens until lunch, letting her muscles do some light exercise, before coming inside (to the spring luncheon room) for a light lunch of bread, cheese and more fruit. Then came nap time. Then, more dressing for her afternoon swim. Then, more dressing. Then, afternoon tea (usually in the slightly orange sunroom). Then a quiet, uncomfortable dinner with Mershia. And, finally, retiring to her room to read a bit before bedtime. Wheeeee! If it weren't for the fact that Aceed would be back that evening, Thog was sure that she would have gone insane. She had, in desperation, tried to find someone to talk to in the kitchens, but she made the servants so uncomfortable that she finally left. Finally, during tea time that afternoon, Rillion and Aceed returned home. Thog was out at the skipper pad to meet them when they arrived. Aceed and Rillion disembarked from the skipper deep in conversation with each other, but as soon as Aceed caught sight of Thog he ran over to her and swept her up in his arms to give her a huge hug. Thog eagerly returned his embrace as Rillion stood silently off to the side, allowing the two to have their moment, together. After the two reunited lovers had released their clinch, the trio made their way into the house, to the tangerine lounge. (Tangerines were, of course, native to Earth, but one of Aceed's distant relatives had relocated a good deal of Earth flora (not to mention some Earth fauna), to Alpha Sauria IV. He had created some of the planet's most sought-after flavored brandies by mixing traditional Saurian flavors with 'exotic', imported flavors like honey, citrus, blackberry and banana. Great, great grandfather Trancin's experiments were regarded with mild disdain by most of the Sperr family, but Aceed had always thought that he was a figure to be admired. In fact, his respect for Trancin had figured largely in the young Saurian's decision to go to Earth to attend Starfleet Academy.) In the lounge, a 'welcome home' buffet had been laid out with more fruit and cheese. Fortunately for Thog, there were also some meatier hors d'oeuvres. Thog attacked the 'pigs-in-a-blanket' and Vienna sausages with gusto. Rillion watched his son's girlfriend with a bemused smile on his face, "If you like those, my dear, the day after tomorrow should be a real treat for you," he said, laying a hand on her shoulder. Thog, forgetting for the moment that her mouth was full of food, tried to respond to Rillion's friendly comment, but could only muster up a, "Yyy, tss nppg?" Fortunately, she DID manage to keep the pork products from shooting out of her mouth. Aceed came to Thog's rescue, "Tomorrow we're skipping out to our private beachhouse on Enfant Island. The trip will take most of the day, but the day after, dad's gonna have a big barbecue as a going away picnic for us." Thog's eyes grew huge as tears started to well up, "Ba, ba, barbecue!" she managed to stammer out. After several days of enforced vegetarianism, her mouth was watering at the very thought of a barbecue. After the buffet, Thog and Aceed went for a walk out on the estate grounds, as they got caught up on the last few days activities. Aceed was positively giddy as he described piloting a skipper for the first time in a decade. Thog listened politely to his descriptions, occasionally making encouraging, "That's nice, honey." or "Sounds like fun." conversational gambits. Aceed eventually realized that something was amiss. "What's wrong, Thog?" "You do understand that I don't have the faintest idea of what you are talking about, right?" she said with a grin. "You don't know what a skipper is?" Aceed asked, stunned. "Even if there had been any on Qo'noS, which I doubt, I certainly would never have been allowed near one." "Well, certainly you've skipped stones in the water," Aceed asked, hopefully. "That's not really a Klingon sorta thing, ya know." "Well, c'mon then!" Aceed started running across the lawn towards one of the ornamental lakes. When he got there, he started searching the shoreline for something. Finally, shouting a triumphant "Aha!" he bent and picked up a rock. He continued his search, bending again a few seconds later to retrieve another stone. Returning to where Thog was standing, mystified by his behavior, he handed over one of the rocks to her. "Now, this is what you do," he said, and took a quick step to the water's edge as he whipped out his arm and sent the stone hurling at the water. Thog was wondering what could be so much fun about throwing rocks, when Aceed's stone hit the water - and bounced. Its flight continued on as it slowly descended towards the lake's surface, again. And, again, it bounced! Thog watched, entranced, as the seemingly magical stone continued its bizarre behavior, finally sinking into the water after 6 skips. "Six!" shouted Aceed. "Darn! I must be out of practice!" Thog just stared at the Saurian with her mouth hanging open. Aceed, seeing the amazement on her face, started laughing. "It's not all that big a deal, hon. As you release the rock, you set it spinning with your index finger. The faster you can make it spin, the more skips you can get." "Oh! I see!" Thog exclaimed, understanding lighting up her features. "Let me try!" Thog ran up to the edge of the water and swung her arm around like she was trying to cut someone in half with her bat'leth. She sent her stone flying at the water - where it hit with a huge splash and promptly sank from sight. "You need to throw the rock with a pretty flat trajectory, too," Aceed offered. Thog began searching the shore for a smooth, flat rock like the one that Aceed had originally given her. Pouncing on one, she again sent it flying at the water. This one seemed to dig its way under the water, resulting in a much smaller splash but still no skip. "Keep the stone flying flat," Aceed encouraged. Thog, determined to not be dishonored by this stupid lake, resumed her search. Finding another possible candidate, she again loosed it at the unsuspecting water. This stone, seemingly terrified of what might happen to it if it failed, actually bounced up from the water once before seeking the peace of an underwater sanctuary. Thog let out a delighted laugh and began jumping up and down, "I did it! I did it!" she shouted excitedly. "Now let's see how many skips you can get," Aceed challenged. The couple competed for the next hour with Aceed finally winning with 9 skips. Thog wasn't far behind him, managing 7 skips on several throws. Eventually, the pair decided to head back to the house for the evening. "That was fun, but I still don't see what that has to do with a boat trip to your beachhouse," Thog finally said. "Just wait until tomorrow and it will all make sense," Aceed assured her. Tomorrow dawned, just like every other day Thog had spent on the planet, so far, with her skin pruny and puckered. Once she got up and began to move around, though, it quickly reverted back to its warrior's firmness. Thog had to admit that the NutriMist certainly did seem to have done its job - she felt markedly better than when they had arrived. Aceed had been awake for some time, anxious to get the journey started. Thog's maid helped her to get dressed and then escorted her down to breakfast. The tiny girl stayed nearby while Thog ate as she would have to escort the Klingon woman to the skipper hanger, after breakfast. Thog ate quickly, excited about this voyage and even more so about tomorrow's promised barbecue. After eating, she and the little maid (whose name, somehow, Thog had never gotten) took the 25 minute trip to the skipper hanger. Rillion, Mershia and Aceed where already there, waiting for her. The previous afternoon, Thog had been too preoccupied with being glad that Aceed was back to really pay too much attention to the skipper, itself. Now, she could examine it more closely. What she saw wasn't particularly impressive. What she saw most closely resembled one of those old 'flying saucers' that she had seen in oldtime Earth movies. Basically, the looked like a discus with a bubble in the top center. Aceed hopped down from the 'bubble' where he had been sitting behind the control panel, to help Thog climb aboard. Once she was seated, she could see that the 'bubble' was actually some sort of retractable protective dome. The discus part of the skipper was isolated from the travel compartment by a gap of at least 6 centimeters and Thog really couldn't see how the thing worked. There didn't seem to be any means of propulsion that she could discern. <> she decided. <> Aceed retracted the dome so that everyone could get some fresh air as they traveled and then flicked another switch on the control console. The discus part of the skipper started to spin around. Thog could now understand why there was a gap between the discus and the dome. She was also beginning to get a really bad feeling that she understood why Aceed had taught her how to skip stones, yesterday. A green light lit up on Aceed's console and, with a huge grin, he tapped another switch. Thog didn't know exactly what that switch did, but she did quickly find out what the results of that little tap were - the skipper shot out of the hanger at high speed - straight at the surface of the ocean! (For those of you with enquiring minds - the switch actually changed the polarity of the skipper's outer hull so that it matched the polarity of the hanger's docking fields. Those of you with a more technical background will be familiar with the fact that magnetic fields with like polarity repel each other. In this case, due to the high gauss of both the docking fields and the skipper's hull, the repulsion was of an extremely high nature. This resulted in propulsion due to repulsion!) Thog grasped at the sides of her seat in terror. There was no possible way that a vessel of this size could possibly skip over the water, was there? Sure enough, the skipper hit the surface of the Ling Jihn Solvers ocean and bounced away, back up into the air. Thog's relief at not being smashed into the water was short-lived, however, as she soon found the rocking/bouncing/flying motion to be having a rather undesirable effect on her breakfast! Bbbbbblllllleeeeeecccccchhhhhh! Thog vomited over the outer hull of the skipper. The incredibly fast spinning of the hull quickly cleaned itself of the stain, flinging the residue off in a thin cloud of partially digested food. Rillion, pity and disgust touching his features, tried to make Thog feel a bit more comfortable after this embarrassment by putting a fatherly arm around her shoulders and saying, "Hey now! This isn't a fishing trip! There's no need to chum the water!" This, however, did not have the effect that he had anticipated. Thog's convulsions redoubled, sending more of her stomach contents flying away from the skipper. Aceed, quickly pushed the skipper's speed to the maximum, hoping to minimize the time the trip would take so that she would have to suffer for as brief a time as possible. Either way, it was going to be a long trip. Throughout history, hunters, trackers and rangers have steadfastly maintained that it is impossible to track quarry over water. However, it would have been a decidedly simple matter to trace the skipper's course by simply observing the schools of fish that surfaced in its wake to enjoy Thog's offerings. Finally, the seemingly interminable trip ended and Aceed helped his shaken lover out of the skipper, past the beautiful beach, up the pristine, clean, white sand path to the beachhouse and into a bedroom where the exhausted Klingon could recuperate from the trip. Rillion and Mershia followed the pair, Mershia shaking her head, "What a disgraceful display!" she announced. "Its our fault, really," Rillion declared. "We should have taken her out for a short trip before trying this one." "Ha! Some fierce warrior! Can't even conquer her breakfast!" "Well, at least she'll have plenty of room for the cookout, tomorrow," Rillion mused, philosophically. The next day dawned bright and beautiful. Thog and Aceed woke early and, after making sure that she had fully recovered from her ordeal, made their way down the pure white sand path from the beachhouse to the beach. The two frolicked in the water for a little while before retiring back to their towels to bask in the sun for a time, and watch the playful chipmunks chase each other around the stone wall and woods. The chipmunks had been another of Trancin's imports and, on the entire planet, could only be found on this tiny island. Thog was delighted by the playful, innocent antics of the tiny mammals. Finally the pair lay down to let the life-giving rays of the Saurian sun bathe the two lovers as the caresses of the warm breezes enfolded them. About midday, Thog was roused from her semi-slumber by the most tantalizing smell she had sniffed in quite some time. Back at the beachhouse, Rillion had fired up a barbecue grill and was cooking the biggest, juiciest burger that Thog had ever seen! The delectable aroma of cooking meat wafted down to her and set her mouth to watering. After nearly a week of little more than Saurian Food Flakes, she was more than ready for a grilled targburger. Almost like an automaton, she rose to her feet and stumbled up the beautiful, clear white sand path to the beachhouse, Aceed, close behind her. The Saurian was partly bemused but mostly disconcerted by the sight of a Klingon, smacking her lips. The meat-smell-entranced Thog floated up the stairs to the porch where Rillion was cooking, like a brilliant ballet dancer, led by her nose to the source of the delightful aroma. There, on the grill, was the most delectable burger that Thog had ever seen. The patty of meat was easily as big around as her head and was just beginning to char on the outside while remaining juicy on the inside. Rillion deftly maneuvered the huge hunk of meat onto an equally large bun which was sitting next to the grill on a large plate. Rillion popped the top of the bun on top the meat as Mershia handed Thog a mug of Blood Wine. Thog's eyes brimmed with gratitude as she turned to take her lunch back to the low stone wall, by the beach. The Sperr family's Fish Flakes were already set out, along with a decanter of brandy. Thog stepped down from the stairs and onto the beautiful, white sand path that led down to the beach and its picnic area. It was then that disaster struck! Thog's foot slipped in the evil, loose sand and she started to fall. She thrust out her hand to catch her balance, but this action caused the plate holding her lunch to tip! The burger slid off of the plate and hit the ground. The firm disc of meat started rolling down the hill towards the beach! Carefully setting down her Blood Wine, Thog gave chase. The burger, unfortunately, was too fast for her and it rolled into the water! Sperr followed Thog down the hill after stopping briefly to retrieve her bun and Blood Wine. Setting her plate and mug on the stone wall he went to comfort his lover who was staring in shock and dismay at the beautiful burger, now floating serenely in the water. Rillion patted Thog's shoulder in a fatherly way, "There, there. I'll take care of it, child," he said as kindly as he could manage. Bending down, the elder Saurian retrieved the burger and shook off as much water as he could before replacing it between the two halves of the bun. "See! Good as new!" Thog sighed and sat down to eat her now sandy, salty and soggy targburger. Even with the unintended alterations, it was still delicious. Her three companions also took seats on the wall to enjoy their lunch. About halfway through the meal, a small chipmunk peeked out of a crack in the stones and peered around at the luncheon. Consumed with curiosity, the tiny creature scurried up to the top of the wall and skittered along it - straight at Thog's Blood Wine! Crash! The evil rodent collided with the mug and sent its contents spilling down the front of the wall before squeaking with fright and popping back into another crevice to hide. "Wow!" Aceed yelled. "I've never seen one of them do THAT before!" "Must have been the scent of the Blood Wine," decided Rillion as he washed out Thog's mug in the water before pouring in a generous slug of brandy. The meal continued in silence broken only by the occasional 'crunch, crunch' as Thog bit into a particularly sandy mouthful. The Sperr family was afraid that if they started to speak, that they would start laughing and not be able to stop and Thog was just depressed that this special meal had turned out to be such a disaster. Just like most of her life. <> After the awkwardly quiet meal, Rillion and Mershia headed back to the beach- house to see about making final preparations for their return to Glubbdubdrib, later that afternoon. Aceed had contacted the David Attenborough to transport the Menagerie crew people back, directly, and spare Thog another skipper ride. The four said their goodbyes and Rillion and Mershia left Aceed and Thog frolicking in the waves for a last time (the chipmunks came out in force to view the spectacle of a Klingon frolicking). Before long, the two beamed up to their runabout to return to the Menagerie. Thog headed to the back to take a quick nap while Aceed settled down to catch up with any communications that they might have missed while planetside. He had just finished watching the Bradley Dillion episode of A Current Affair when Thog came running out of the back shouting, "Aceed! Aceed! I know what to do! I've figured it out! But, I need your help! Will you help me, my love?" "Of course, Thog. What do you need me to do?" "What I was planning was..." Meanwhile, somewhere in deep space, was a ship on a mission. Well, technically, all Starfleet ships were on a mission. They didn't just fly around randomly (in most cases). It's not like the Federation was going to waste all that time and those resources on building huge starships and on training their crews just to let them flit about willy-nilly with no purpose in mind. You don't really think... WHACK! Sorry about that, the writer responsible for that irrelevant aside has been slapped with a mullet. A recently caught mullet, so it wasn't too smelly, just kind of a generally fishy mullet. Did you know that mullet, being vegetarians, are notoriously difficult to catch. Usually a net is employed... WHACK! WHACK! Anyway, somewhere in deep space, a ship was on a mission. The USS Aikido had recently received two reports of sightings of the USS Drosera, one of the two remaining Saber class ships which had eluded them at Trill, the previous week. The crew of the Aikido figured that they had a score to settle with the Black Queen (or, possibly, Princess, no one was sure, yet what was controlling the ship), since their friends on the USS Wing Chun had been destroyed by the treachery of the Black Queens who had provided the diversion which had allowed the Utricularia and the Drosera to escape. A third ship, the USS Sarracenia, had also escaped, but because of damage received in battle had been tracked and dispatched by another Starfleet vessel. Now, however, the job of finding and destroying the remaining Black Queens rested solely on the shoulders of the crew of the Aikido*. Captain Adrian Thorne was seated in his center seat on the Aikido's Bridge as the ship sped through space. The reports had indicated that the Drosera was hiding somewhere in an asteroid field, only a few light years away and the Aikido was hurrying there at just above rated maximum speed, much to the displeasure of her Chief Engineer, Lieutenant Commander Tetsuo Ifukube. Ifukube was currently on the main viewscreen expressing his displeasure. "Was sind Sie? Irgendeine Art Idiot?" (What are you? Some kind of idiot!?) "Yes, yes, of course," soothed Thorne as the irate Japanese man danced around Main Engineering. "Alle wir werden verurteilt! Wir werden schrecklich wegen des buffon getötet, das unser Kapitän ist!" (We are all doomed! We will be horribly killed because of the buffoon who is our captain!) "Just make sure of it!" encouraged Thorne. Commander Justine Monserrat, the Aikido's First Officer, bent down to whisper to Security Chief Ivor Matalon, "Has anyone figured out why he yells in German when he gets excited, yet?" "Not that I know of. As far as I can tell, the captain still thinks Tetsuo is yelling in Japanese!" "You can't be serious! I realize that Thorne is no rocket scientist, but even he can't be that stupid!" "Just listen," urged Matalon. "Genug von dies Dummheit! Ich gehen jetzt zu bilden Sarg für uns all!" (Enough of this foolishness! I go now to make coffins for us all!) "Arigato!" waved Thorne as Ifukube cut off the transmission. Thorne turned to Lieutenant Marcus Sheridan, the Aikido's Helmsman, "Estimated time of arrival in the Kattebua Asteroid Belt?" "Well, if Ifukube's predictions are correct, /pieces/ of us should be there in about 40 minutes." "Excellent!" enthused Thorne, completely oblivious to Sheridan's sarcasm. "Doctor Stewart, sensors to longest range, coordinate with Lieutenant Matalon for targeting data. But do NOT fire until I order it, is that understood, Matalon?" "Oh jes, sir! I vill hold mine fire until your zay zo!" Matalon drawled, rolling his eyes as he winked at Commander Monserrat. Just over 30 minutes later, Doctor Stewart (who was a board certified Mad Scientist, in point of fact) called out, "Contact! Transponder code confirms the USS Drosera. Lifesigns indicate a Black Queen or Princess is definitely on board!" "On screen," Thorne commanded, standing. The main view screen switched to a view of a large rock, floating in space. "That's funny," Thorne mused, "I thought we were chasing a Saber class ship. How did they turn into a big rock?" "Zir," Matalon suggested patiently, "I believe zat ze ship is hiding /behind/ ze rock. If zo zat gives me an idea." "Oh! So its like hide-and-go-seek!" Thorne said, understanding. "So, what's your plan?" "Sir, if ve target zat asteroid wif a vull spread of quantum torpedoes, ve zould be able to blast it to pieces. Zat vill not only take away ze Drozera's hiding place, but alzo keep it from fleeing az it vill be surrounded by debris. Ve vould zen be able to destroy it easily." This plan was met by a chorus of approval from around the Bridge. Everyone agreed that this was an excellent plan - everyone with one, minor exception that is. "But that doesn't give us any chance to talk with them." Thorne protested. "We should given them a chance to surrender before we attack them." "Sir, with all due respect," Monserrat argued, "our orders expressly state that we are to attack, without warning and without mercy if there is any danger that the Queens might be able to escape. With that asteroid between us, there is a very good chance that they could escape unless we follow Ivor's plan." "I'm sorry, but I must insist that we try to talk to them. After all, my diplomatic training might just do the trick," Thorne responded. Monserrat was about to give up in defeat when she noticed Matalon winking at her. He made a subtle wave at her chair's arm console and she saw that he had transferred the quantum torpedo fire control to her. Understanding his intent, she stood to continue her protest, "Sir, I understand your position, but I must protest!" as she said this last part, she brought her hand down on the arm of her chair as though for emphasis. Emphatic it was, as the ship launched the torpedoes at the asteroid! "Oh my! Zomehow ve haf accidentally launched our torpedo spread!" Matalon despaired, hamming it up for all he was worth. "Damn lousy wiring!" Thorne cried. "Remind me to have someone from Engineering take at look at that chair, Justine." "Yes, sir," she said, fighting to keep a straight face. "Oh well, done is done. Ivor, take out the Drosera." "Jes, zir!" Matalon saluted as he rained weapon's fire down on the pinned Saber class ship. It didn't take long before the ship was completely destroyed. "Black Queen lifesign - gone!" announced Doctor Stewart from the Science Console. "Well that wasn't too bad," offered Thorne. "See what we can do when we all work together as a crew? Well, I'm off to get Alex from Kindergarten. Monserrat, the ship is all yours." Thorne jumped up and hurried to the turbolift. If he was quick about it, he just might make it to the classroom in time for storytime! Commander Monserrat slipped over to the captain's chair. "Stewart, assuming that the three Sabers split off in roughly equal vectors, where would the third one have been heading?" Doctor Stewart worked for a bit on his console before replying, "Assuming that each ship wasn't heading for a specific destination, the third ship would have headed away from Trill on a course of 126 mark 4. We could catch up to it in about a week if we take a reciprocal course of 41 mark 7." "Sheridan, that's your new heading," Monserrat ordered. Maybe they could wrap this up quickly and get back to Earth. Maybe Command would notice how efficient they had been and promote her to Captain. Maybe she would get her own ship and get far away from Thorne and his evil progeny. Yeah, and maybe she would flap her ears and fly to the moon, too. <> *A brief note about Starfleet naming conventions. For some time Starfleet Command had been enamored with the idea of using classic Martial Arts forms to name their ships, and the performances of the USS Jujitsu, the USS Tae Kwon Do and the USS Mu Tau had certainly given Starfleet reason to be enthusiastic. The USS Krav Maga, the USS Hapkido and the USS Wu Shu had quickly followed and performed with , if not exactly brilliance, at least with competence. The USS Wing Chun and the USS Aikido, were kept at Earth as part of the defense network because of their, umm, little peccadillos, shall we say. Then the USS Drunken Boxing had been launched. Not one of Starfleet's more brilliant Public Relations efforts, the ship had been involved in a series of less than stellar incidents. Starfleet quietly switched their naming database to carnivorous plants. With Earth only having a handful of such species, the entire xenobotanical database had been utilized. This resulted in ships taking on such names as the USS Xcvwasggd and the USS Jkooortsdec. Starfleet soon realized that most of their crew members couldn't even pronounce the names of these ships and the entire naming series was abandoned. It was rumored that the clerk who had come up with the idea was banished to the USS Explorer, but surely even Starfleet wouldn't be that cruel, would they? Next Time: Thog's desperate gamble to make herself into the kind of person she believes Sperr deserves. Meanwhile, the revelation of Mantron's powers has unexpected side effects. It's time travel, fancy parties and ... Marriage? At any rate, its a "Long Time, No See", available September 26th! I welcome Reader Feedback! Please let me know what you've thought of Melting Pot so far, and, in particular this story! Contact me at: meltingpot@khobrah.net